Life of the Bored and Taskless.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

The following post may contain super whiny material. Please be aware that most of this is going to be things that Jacquie feels she needs to get off of her chest.

Ok, I'm having a really bad day, and I'm not only "Bored and Taskless" but now I'm so emotional and whiny it sucks. Maybe it's the hormones I never had that I'm finally getting. Whatever it is, all I know is that feelings suck.

I'm really tired and all of this shizzle with you-know-who makes me feel so much better. I really am immature and naive. Then, I mope around the whole day, not for sympathy, but because I didn't feel all that perky and happy today. Then, I come home after school and piano (major talk session with Vicki) and I see a letter from my old friends, the Central Bucks School District. I think to myself, hmm, Back to School info? No, it was regarding NHS. Furthermore, regarding how I didn't get in. So what did I do? Burst out crying even though I knew I wasn't going to get in, but because my family was like "Oh honey, of course you'll get in, you're wonderful" (gag) I thought maybe I had a chance. Nada.

I need to talk to someone, I've already talked Dan to death probably, so maybe I'll target someone else. I don't want sympathy, I just need a friend, a friend who doesn't really want to talk about Homecoming all the time (there's nothing wrong with that, gals) And to hell with my parents, that idea was shot from the beginning. Maybe I'll end up pulling an emo song out of my as. I rather pull feces from my ass than that, but when your hormones and heart rule your body, there's sure to be an emo revolution happening...and that scares me. Toodles.

4:08 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Monday, September 29, 2003

"It's easy to be
Easy and free
When it doesn't mean anything
You remain selfless, cold, and composed."

I love you Ben Folds.

9:26 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Well, forget the last post. Show's over. I feel like a million bucks. Heh.

9:08 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Today, I missed most of the school day because I'm a dork. Well, ok, I'll clarify: I'm taking an online course in health careers, and we went to the campus of the University of the Sciences in Philadelphia for a little tripperoo today. Only me and Lauren Eby were from East, two other girls were from West, then there were George Mehler (some guy from CBSD) and this other lady as chaperones.

We left around 9 and got there a little past 10. This third year bio major, whose name was Pete (he was kinda cute) was our tour guide of the dorms, buildings, and other stuff. After he showed us around, the head of the biology department showed us around some of the labs and classrooms, which was cool. It turns out that her father was a physicist and won a Nobel Prize for his work in...well, I can't describe it. But it was cool. This one professor experiments on horseshoe crabs, and why they haven't evolved much over millions of years. This other professor studies plant viruses in order to understand how we can apply it to human diseases. Everything was so cool, it was...cool.

We ate lunch in a small building across the street from the main building, and then we attended an OT (occupational therapist) class. It was fun, because they were learning about the different reflexes and positions in development of babies, and all 4 of us had to act out the reflexes to help them study. I DEFINITELY had the "doggie style" pose for one of mine, well, it's REALLY called "quadriped" but yeah. George took a picture of it, grrreat. They gave us candy for being tortured, so not bad. After that, we saw some lady who talked to us about careers and such. Then we went back, and I almost fell asleep with my head againt the SHORT BUS window, that's right, we rocked the short bus.

I got back at East around 4:30, and I was getting picked up at 5, so I decided to stay and watch the field hockey game against Truman. I found Steph's mom, and we talked the whole time about stuff. Steph got a goal, and I actually got to see it! YAAAY!

Last night, I couldn't concentrate on ANYTHING. It was so bad, I mean, on TOP of my normal ADD I had...well, "thoughts" on my mind. You know, sausage and such. So yeah, definitely wrote a...sorta song. Yeah, a sorta song because at this point it sucks, but what the hell. It features a cameo appearance by Napolean, (I was taking notes on him) but I'm warning you, it's pretty good for my standards, which means it's going to be EMBARRASSING to read. Well, here goes nothing....

Oh man, maybe I shouldn't.

Come on Jacquie, do it.

Ok.

I'm dilusional.

Yeah, you are.

Ok, here's the embarrassing song....fo rizzeal:

I pick up the phone
I want to talk to you, but not come on too strong
I look around for you
I've been tip toeing, tripping, falling in love with you

You're one of my best friends
But feelings complicate, I don't want it to end
You're like a brother
Kindred spirits, soulmates, I can't trust another...

*Chorus*
One, in a million
Pulled by the heartstrings
I can see myself in your eyes
I can love like a friend
or love like a lover
I can't decide
Between or the other

I can't always be selfless
Throwing my heart away forever just to live a lie
I'm just waiting for one kiss
Maybe my heart will unlock, I'll be free, I could just die for...

*Chorus*

I should be doing homework
But Bonaparte and art are nothing compared to you
I dream all about us
Hopefully someday you'll dream about when we combine as...

*Chorus*

...So yeah, you can laugh now. But as cheezy as that sounds (ok, maybe not soulmates YET, but it sounded good) I felt that. It came out of NOWHERE, but I find myself writing to myself, not necessarily in lyrical form, whenever I'm angry, or sad, etc. It helps relieve some of my built up emotions. Man, me and Gordo from Lizzie McGuire, you know if he was REAL, would have to have lunch sometime to discuss stuff like this. Liking someone you care about a LOT, but not finding the right time, place, or words to say it.

I'm not TOTALLY in love with Sausage at this point, but I can't deny feelings. I don't even care about Homecoming, I really don't, but yeah, I'd go with him unless he has someone else to go with, which is perfectly fine. I don't want to hold back from meeting other people. That wouldn't be nice of me. Who knows? Maybe he doesn't want anything other than a friendship. Whatever, we'll see in time.

Just don't tell Frankfurter, ok? I'm planning on doing that myself...that is, if he doesn't know already. I don't think he reads this either. If he did, hey, I like you. It's kind of obvious. I want to have your babies. Heh, not really. Maybe. I mean, aw screw it.

7:59 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Last night was SO much fun. Jen, crackho Jen, had her sweet sixteen partay, and much hilarity ensued. She showed us the Barbie rendition of Romeo and Juliet and her, Jess, and Laura did for 9th grade English and it was "hilaaaarious" (Jen voice) It was so great, I nearly soiled my trousers. Ashley and I were of course CrAaAaZy like usual, and we even played weird charades and "party quirks" (a la Whose Line?) which was...messed up. I got Jen some many weird things, which I wrapped together depending on "meaning":

Pop Rocks and BloPens = Jen chokes on EVERYTHING ;)
2 lip glosses = her obsession
Happy Brithday socks = self-explanatory
"I'm Not Fat, I'm Pregnant!" socks and a Baby Bottle Pop = she's a whore, and she needs to feed her crackbaby

So yeah, I'm weird. What's new?

Good thing I'm partially sick, so my nose is a tad weedle clogged, because I smell NASCAR and smoked oysters...and they smell like shit.

I'll do my homework sometime. Until then, keep on whorin'!

2:37 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Saturday, September 27, 2003

I had a really good dream two nights ago. I guess I could say what it was about but because this is read by people, I'm going to substitute certain things for the word...sausage. Awww here it goes.

Me and Sausage were in a room together. Sausage kept looking at me with this confused and lost look and I said, "What? What's going on Sausage?" Then all of a sudden, I was looking at myself and Sausage from a different view, as if I were another person. Sausage leaned over and kissed me. A faint smile spread across my face and then I kissed Sausage. Then the dream ended and I got pissed off.

Last night, Marina, Cassie and I went to "town" *cringe* and met up with a few people (most of whom I didn't know) and we walked around and such. We stopped at Cyber Stop and Vanessa met us there. Later, Marina and I did a spastastic, interpretive dance to "Bohemian Rhapsody" while these two guys watched and laughed. It was so awesome.

So, have to get to Kohl's to get the crack whore-I mean, my good friend Jennifer Worthington's other present (I already got her a crazy pair of socks)

I'll leave you with a godo song. Yes, I meant to say godo.

"The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed.
There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it.
And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came up a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "There is nothing I can do for you
that you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help."
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure of it.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back.
And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh.
And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass
and I will keep you company through those days so long and black.
And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve of Love's uneven remainder.
But if the world could remain in a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil."

4:40 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

I didn't get the role of Rebecca, Kaelin did, but I got in the...choir? I didn't even sing for auditions, but whatever. Marina's also in the choir with me, and we both can't sing, so it will be interesting to see us two oddballs with really good singers. I'll just sing really quietly, oh wait, already do. I need some of my loudness from my speaking voice to be transferred to my singing voice. Frank got the part of Joe Crowell, go 12-year-olds!

Dan didn't look good today, and when Dan doesn't look good, that means that Jacquie gets worried and wants to know what's wrong, and maybe was a little insensitive. I have a tendency of doing that, but I can't stand it when there's something wrong and I don't know about it or get the chance to try and talk to that person about it. I'm not a wondeful comforter, but I try.

My computer's going screwy and I just lost some of my yeast lab for AP bio. Great, and it's due in two days.

I'm really sleepy, and the whole attitude of "Our Town," the whole "live life while you can and by the moment, and never having regrets for not doing or saying something" is really getting to me. I don't know if it's time yet or not, but I feel it's going to happen soon. I love being ambigious.

I'm off to go to bed, I mean *sings* BEEEEEED! That will NEVER get old!

9:57 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Here's an equation for you:

2 brothers + 1 recorder = SOMEBODY'S GOING TO DIE!

7:32 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

I got called back for the role of the 11-year-old Rebecca in Our Town. I didn't think I'd get called back, but then again she typecastes, and this time it actually worked in my favor. Nonetheless, I was really happy since I haven't gotten a speaking role since the 5th grade PEN play, and I HAD to be in it.

Only 2 of us tried out for Rebecca, Kaelin was supposed to but they never read her for it. I did the best that I could, so I think it comes down to what they're looking for. I was more energetic and annoying, like I thought an 11-year-old should be (and I think I would know), but maybe I overdid it. Who knows? Oh yeah, Fichtman and her evil list. Fichtman's List...hmmm...

So I'm doing a study on myself. Pretty crazy, I know, but I'm curious. I made a little observation that when I don't listen to music before I fall asleep, I tend to think a lot, which prevents me from sleeping, and I seem to have really vivid dreams. Lately, I have been listening to music beforehand and haven't really dreamt much. I'm just seeing if there's any connection at all, so I'm keeping a log of my sleep habits. I feel so scientific it hurts.

I really hope I get that role, and if I don't, I'm not going to be a very happy "Jackie" (WHY CAN'T SHE SPELL MY NAME RIGHT?) tomorrow. Jackie Baker, my ass. Try Jacquie Baker, the sleep habit logbook maker.

6:25 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Sunday, September 21, 2003

I haven't done the Friday Five in a LONG time, and the topic is right up my alley, so here it goes...

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? Why?
I'm going to have to go with Thom Yorke, as far as a single musician goes. He's so inventive and willing to push the boundaries, even to sacrifice popularity, which shows how committed he is to making music, not making money.

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? Why?
Sorry Jersey, but your two musical "claims to fame" are two of the artists I can't stand. Bon Jovi and Springsteen. Say it with me now...UGG. Springsteen sounds constipated, Bon Jovi is just annoying. "It's My Life"...try "It's My Sanity" that you're sucking out of me.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person?
Absolutely. Thom Yorke is quite an intellectual and sees things in a different way than most do. I admire him for that, and it's a quality that I think I'm developing as I mature.

4. Have you been to any concerts? If yes, who put on the best show?
Yes, and going with the whole Thom Yorke thing, Radiohead put on the most incredible show EVER. The other concerts I went to were the Monkees, Spice Girls, and Weezer. I know, what a variety. But seeing Radiohead...I can't even describe it, it was the best show I could have ever wished for.

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music?
I have mixed feelings on this one, as far as the music industry goes. Downloading is affecting the mainstream artists, but I think that sometimes independant record sales are increased because through downloading, people are exposed to their music, and then go out and buy their albums. I think that even if record prices are dropped, people are STILL going to download (me included, even though I DO buy CD's because I don't have a burner) and it's a crazy vicious cycle. I don't think going after 12 year olds is going to do anything, and the RIAA is going to extremes to try and stop people, but it's not really successful.

7:11 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Why am I still in French? Oh yeah, because I'm a moron.

I'm stuck with this lame French project to do, because Fichtman sure knows how to ruin a weekend. Sorry if I sound whiny, but I also have a yeast lab to do for AP bio, and after the kickass day yesterday, it feels like a death sentence.

Yesterday, I went to the Renaissance Faire with Frank, Dan, Tim and Hunter for Frank's birthday. It just so happened to be the Scottish weekend so there were a LOT of guys in kilts. We were the geek brigade, and I actually wore my costume from 7th grade, but it didn't beat Frank's and Tim's (he left his in the car, psh) K'nex swords and shields. You don't know how many complements Frank got, he was getting hit on my numerous little boys. Dan dressed up like Burt Reynolds. Not really, he just had no costume and a cowboy hat. Hunter dressed up too and Tim...went as a...uh...ninja...cat burglar...knight. Yeah.

It was so much fun, we saw this one act called the Tartan Terrors, and it was basically bagpipes + sexual connotations + some guy's hairy ass + a little man, which = INSANITY! It was excellent. After that, we stayed and watched this other crazy thing where people were running around, and some guy flew out of a window. We must have gone to a million sword and pewter places, and at one point I was supposed to wait for Dan, and Dan ended up going to the chess match and Tim, Hunter and Frank were god knows where, so I ran around looking for Dan for about 20 minutes, found him, then we found the others (but not before Dan bought some cranberry honey for his mom) at this other comedy thing called Don Juan and Miguel, who were these two mexican guys, one reminding me of Justin Nordell (Dan agreed). That was the longest sentence in history.

We saw a joust earlier in the day, and at 5 we saw the final one. We were rooting for this Italian guy, who was a) bald b) badass and c) had mucho mojo. Unfortunetly, it was staged and he had to lose because he wasn't on the Queen's side. Psh, lame.

After that, we went home, and on the way there and back I rode with Mr. Ramsden in the corvette, while the guys rode with Frank's mom in the other car. Man, we must have talked about EVERYTHING in the car, it was great...including some "personal" issues, which I wanted to know his opinion on. Frank's dad = super cool. He even taught me the DMT (donut management technique) which I'm sure I'll use in the future! We went back to Frank's, ate pizza, played some video games (except me, haha) and Frank opened his present...the complete 3rd season of Family Guy! Go me and Dan for that one. We watched a few episodes, and I left around 10:30.

And now I'm stuck here procrastinating because I have ADD. Well, at least I get to eat lobster tonight. Oh wait..."En Français!", that would be "le homard." I'll leave you with a classic Weezer song quote: "Won't you knock me on my head? Crack it open, let me out of here!"

6:00 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Friday, September 19, 2003

www.talklikeapirate.com:

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
(We came up with these in an effort to interest The Other Dave (Letterman) in TLAPD. His staff liked 'em, but alas, his show is "dark" the week of Sept. 19.)

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Heeeellz yeah. Pirates kick it to the max! I'm such a dork, which is why no one reads this, except my subconsious.

Last night, I slept over Jess's house because "Hurricane, what? Hurricane, who? Hurricane, CBSD is really stupid and Isabelle didn't do jack poo." Please throw a stone at me and make it stop! Anyway, we worked on our "colligative properties of aqueous solutions" project (stimulating, I know) and did...pretty much the whole thing. Poster, report, the whole shebang. With our combined ADD and OCD, we managed to get stuff done.

Tonight, Dan and I went to Willow Grove Mall and got Frank's b-day present. We got in trouble by the security guy because we are SO badass...ok, we just ran up the escalator and down the other one and got yelled at. You guys take the fun out of everything. I had my normal withdrawal from not having a new CD (stupid dad hasn't gotten me a burner yet like he promised) and we went into FYE. Dan would have killed me, as well as my wallet, if I got the Dashboard CD. "Money is like SOOO overrated!" Haha, that was our phrase tonight, as were were both broke. Too bad I like music a LOT, and play the piano, but can't WRITE any myself. If I did, it might go something like *pulling from ass*...

"I hate my parents, I am a hick
My uncle rolls joints, and I don't...lick...
popsicles, but I do because I have sensitive teeth and my enamel is slowly dissapearing and...oh fuck."

Yeah, that's pretty much the extent of my songwriting capabilities. But that's all true, the enamel crap too. I think. I'm so paranoid.

I'm going to go scrub my skank/slutty ass self, and straighten my hair for the Renaissance Fair tomorrow. I'm going to go medieval...on my non-existant ass.

9:02 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I look like my mother and David Bowie had a child.

I shall explain.

When I got home, I wanted to look for my concealer because I have a new mole or something, no, not woo, and then I got this crazy idea. I was going to play around with a LOT of makeup on my face. Just because.

So, at the moment, I still have it on, and I'll run down what I look like, I describe it as "Neo-Egyptian", and it does NOT look anything like the 12-year-old person I usually resemble:

Eyes: Eyeliner, but it's running out so it's more of an indigo color, I also used it as eyeshadow and extended it so I have a semi-Egyptian look. Also, some mascara and curlified lashes. I have the concealer, which is white, on my upper brows, to achieve the Mrs. Baker/drag queen look. I put a li'l bit o' yellow eyeshadow underneath. Like it mattered.

Eyebrows: Brown lipstick as pencil. I'm so ferked up.

Lips: White concealer ON lips, lined by the same brown lipstick from my eyebrows.

Face: I put on my old semi-foundation, then put some powder on, so now my face actually has some color (You: *freak out*)

So yes, I'm VERY weird, and my brothers got weirded out...but then asked that I do something to them. Scott wanted a line of the white concealer from his forehead to his chin, and Kyle wanted the same, with swirls on his cheeks. They looked like they belonged to the transvestite tribe. Gender blending = amused Jacquie.

Dad's reaction: Walked by and looked at me...then went in the bathroom and yelled "What the hell happened to you?!" I love my dad.

My brothers said I look like mom a little now, because my mom puts on WAY too much makeup sometimes, not to mention perfume that could wipe out a nation. Gag.

Speaking of mom, I called her about 4 times, and I need to talk to her or else I CAN'T SLEEP OVER FRANK'S ON SATURDAY NIGHT! God, just call me back, I know you don't like me but at least give me a courtesy call.

Ren Faire is going to rizzock. Jacquie + Mr. Ramsden + corvette = who knows! It will be interesting, for sure.

Alright, I'm going to leave because NO ONE has bought a cake OR a parade for me. Please do, give me a wedding one, with the side of Bear in the Big Blue House balloon. I mean the ones at parades. Got it? Thank you. I'm delusional, officially.

6:46 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Monday, September 15, 2003

Today in French, we went to the computer lab, and when I went to open Microsoft Word, a "recovered document" popped up and I printed it out because I thought it was amazing:

"There comes a time in every child's life that he must take the step from ignorance into the wonderful world of literature. Well for me it was more of a stumble, trip, and fall. But when I finally did grace the educated world with my presence, I was not too pleased. Where was my parade and where was the cake? As you may have guessed they never came, and it has left permanent scars on the roots of my literary love. You may have gathered from my introduction that I had trouble reading as a child, I have a passionate hatred for structured writing, and a true love of hearing myself talk.

In my life I have read a lot of"

That's where he/she left off, but dear god, that was great. The best line EVER: "Where was my parade and where was the cake?" I shared this with Dana, and we've decided it's going to be our "thing" from now on. I want some Disney character balloons and some Pineapple Upside-Down too. Mmmm. Tasty like Francis Bacon...mmm...bacon.

One other highlight: I took an Incredible Hulk dookie. It wasn't "hulking" big...it was green. I know, I thought it was shareworthy too! I'm such a guy when it comes to #2's.

AP Bio shm-AP Bio. That test today was a piece o' cake. Too bad a parade didn't follow. See, whenever I think I do well, the exact happens, so I'm going to get a B- on it now, for sure.

And so I'm out, but when I return, I expect some Mummers and pound cake.

5:06 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Beside the singing mountain stream where the willow grew
Where silver leaf of maple sparkled in the morning dew
I braided twigs of willow made a string of buckeyed beans
But flesh and blood needs flesh and blood and you're the one I need
Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood and you're the one I need

I leaned against the bark of birch and I breathed the honey dew
I saw a northbound flock of geese against the sky of baby blue
Beside the lily pads I carved a whistle from the reef
Mother nature's quite a lady but you're the one I need
Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood and you're the one I need

A cardinal sang just for me and I thanked him for the song
Then the sun went slowly down to west and I had to move along
These were some of the things on which my mind and spirit feed
But flesh and blood needs flesh and blood and you're the one I need
Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood and you're the one I need

So when the day was ended I was still not satisfied
For I knew everything I touched would wither and would die
And love is all that will remain and grow from all these seeds
Mother nature's quite a lady but you're the one I need
Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood and you're the one I need

R.I.P. Johnny Cash

It's funny, I have a great respect for him, I think I'd rather listen to him than to the country artists of today, because he wrote songs that really meant something, and penetrate you to your soul. I mean that too. You all know how much I hate country music, but after watching all these specials on him, I realize how much of an influence he was.

The whole John Ritter thing was a TOTAL surprise, I saw him on Conan like last month with Dana Carvey and they were SO damn funny. Because I feel like shit and I don't want to do anything, I've been watching all the stuff he was in on TV Land since I woke up at 9:40. He's such a great and versitile actor, it makes me sad that yet another good guy is gone, and at a young age today.

I realized I DO get PMS, but I don't get pissed off. I just cry a lot for no reason. I must have cried like 50 times today, I am now, for NO REASON AT ALL! Just thinking about crying makes me wanna...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

5:38 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Thursday, September 11, 2003

"The First Mutual Breakup In History"

ShadowLight 437: hello again
Zakolita: hey
ShadowLight 437: what did you need to talk to me about
Zakolita: well, it's very important
Zakolita: can you stay after?
ShadowLight 437: idk yet
Zakolita: oh
ShadowLight 437: can you just tell me now
ShadowLight 437: are you there?
ShadowLight 437: jacquie?
Zakolita: hey
Zakolita: my dad called me
ShadowLight 437: gay computer
Zakolita: haha
ShadowLight 437: i dont think i can stay after, so can we just talk now?
Zakolita: are you positive/
Zakolita: did you ask?
ShadowLight 437: yea
ShadowLight 437: no ride-age
ShadowLight 437: so
Zakolita: sorry, AOL sucks
ShadowLight 437: lol
ShadowLight 437: it happens
ShadowLight 437: so can we talk now or what
Zakolita: can I call you?
ShadowLight 437: im sposed to be working on honor society, so it prolly wouldnt be a great idea
Zakolita: me too
ShadowLight 437: lol
ShadowLight 437: so now or what
ShadowLight 437: cus i dont think tomorrow will work
Zakolita: alright fine
ShadowLight 437: so
Zakolita: Jeff, I'm not really happy with our relationship right now.
ShadowLight 437: you too?
Zakolita: yes...
Zakolita: what aren't you happy about?
ShadowLight 437: i dont think that you feel the same about me that you used to, and im not sure that i do either
ShadowLight 437: it just isnt fun right now
Zakolita: yeah
Zakolita: also
Zakolita: I'm not a very touchy feely person, if you've noticed
ShadowLight 437: i believe i have
Zakolita: yeah, that's a lot of it for me
Zakolita: I don't feel we have much of the relationship foundation that we used to
ShadowLight 437: agreed
ShadowLight 437: so...
Zakolita: I think it's better that we just be friends right now, and I'm saying that because I really mean it
ShadowLight 437: what do you mean right now
ShadowLight 437: does that mean temporarily or what
Zakolita: we'll just have to see what happens, I guess
ShadowLight 437: ya know what?
Zakolita: what?
ShadowLight 437: i say fuck temporary, cus we both know that we wont get back together anyway
Zakolita: yeah, pretty much
ShadowLight 437: the worlds first mutual breakup
ShadowLight 437: is that a record or what
Zakolita: that was CRAZY
Zakolita: haha
ShadowLight 437: lol
Zakolita: so yeah...
Zakolita: screw after school
ShadowLight 437: obviously
Zakolita: yup
ShadowLight 437: i knew that you were gonna do that
Zakolita: you didn't do it just so you wouldn't get dumped, did you?
ShadowLight 437: no
ShadowLight 437: i felt the same way you did dude
Zakolita: in that case, that's freaking hilarious
ShadowLight 437: i know
Zakolita: so wow
ShadowLight 437: so have you thought of who my replacement may be?
Zakolita: HAHAHAHA, nope
Zakolita: have you thought of anyone?
ShadowLight 437: im not saying the gears havent started turning, but nobody definite
Zakolita: yeah
Zakolita: this was really weird
ShadowLight 437: meh
ShadowLight 437: im down with it
Zakolita: sorry I've been so bitchy lately
ShadowLight 437: that was my clue man
Zakolita: see, I thought you didn't get it
Zakolita: I had no idea
ShadowLight 437: you thought i didnt get it?
ShadowLight 437: so you were doing that on purpose?
Zakolita: yeah, I thought you thought I was playing hard to get
Zakolita: yeah kinda
ShadowLight 437: at first i did
ShadowLight 437: so how long has this been formulating
Zakolita: like this week
ShadowLight 437: daves party wasnt it
Zakolita: yes.
Zakolita: did that do it in for you?
ShadowLight 437: idk
ShadowLight 437: so, for future reference, what was my big mistake, if there was one
Zakolita: the only one was that you were too clingy
Zakolita: how about me?
ShadowLight 437: funny thing, the exact opposite, if there is a word for it
Zakolita: I figured, I was too stand-offish? distant?
ShadowLight 437: good while it lasted
Zakolita: yeah, it really was
ShadowLight 437: another thing, even tho this wasnt your fault i dont think, is that you were never available to do anything
ShadowLight 437: but i was also away a lot, so...
Zakolita: yeah, exactly
Zakolita: and the not being in classes thing too
ShadowLight 437: we could have worked around that
Zakolita: but...yeah
ShadowLight 437: but didnt have the energy to do so
Zakolita: we're lazy mofos
ShadowLight 437: lol
Zakolita: I have to go finish my homework
ShadowLight 437: k
ShadowLight 437: have fun
ShadowLight 437: cya tomorrow
Zakolita: oh yeah, french cheetah projects are always enjoyable
ShadowLight 437: mmm
Zakolita: hahaha
Zakolita: bye!
ShadowLight 437: later

That...WAS INSANE! Maybe online WASN'T so bad after all...

9:54 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

I just sat in front of the piano and bawled my eyes out. I couldn't do it. I didn't know why, but I just couldn't. I couldn't play if I knew someone was listening to me. Anxiety, perhaps? Maybe it was that I wasn't used to playing in front of people. Whatever it was, it gnawed at me, and I drowned in my own pathetic tears of self-limitation.

So yeah, that's what I did today, and I sound so emo right now I could...cry.

8:33 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Friday, September 05, 2003

Today's my brother, Kyle's, birthday, so that means ICE CREAM CAKE! Mmm...shaped like a ladybug too.

Today I also noticed how badass my bus driver is. He's this big tubby guy, and he wore a cowboy hat today and we get to listen to 94.5 The Hawk in the bus. I think if I ever become a bus driver, I want to pimp it out like that. Oh, and there's a small, brass plaque on the front of the bus that says "Britney." Maybe he likes Britney Spears, maybe he name the bus that, MAYBE...he's a boy named Britney. Whoa, how cool would that be?

Frank's having a birthday thing next week at none other than THE Renaissance Faire. We're gonna party like it's 1599.

Modern World History is actually not boring me to death like I expected it to. Mr. Galazin's cool, and we're learning about different religions now, and it's really cool. Well, at least I think it is. I got SOAKED when I had to walk over there yesterday, it was pretty bad.

What else is random...oh yeah. Wait, naht gahna do it. It wouldn't be prudent...at this juncture.

SO yeah, not doing anything tonight, plans fell through with El Jeff-o, and I'm going to be stuck home watching Friday Night Stand-Up on Comedy Central. I'm not at all unhappy with that!

Kyle cannot rap.

.dne ehT

8:08 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Sunday was awesome. Frank, Tim, and I went sailing at Nockamixon in our own boat. We made it our own little party barge, had a CD player, ate a lot of candy and just hung out. It was so much fun! Tim and I tried to see if we could sleep over Frank's but it failed through several attempts. Damn. So, on Monday, I went to the mall with Frank (Tim couldn't go) and walked in circles, talked, and Frank got checked out by these two girls, who then proceeded to stalk us. It was great. We got some cinnamon sugar pretzels at Auntie Anne's, which were as usual, awesomly awesome. I got the "My Iron Lung EP" by Radiohead for the great price of 21 bucks *sarcasm* and we just hung out and stuff. I'm really glad we got a chance to do that because it's school time now, and Frank works on Friday and Saturday nights. Poo.

Yesterday, I had to be at school for the Sophomore's first day of school because I'm in Student Council (go dorks!) and we had to help people find their classes and do things for the pep rally. There were some perks in having no life, like getting free lunch (which I didn't eat because I hate hoagies) and breakfast. At one point, we had to split up and go to different advisory classes and play games with them, so Dana and I partnered up because crackwhores of a feather flock together. We ended up in a class with all Tamanend people (now they're splitting up people from Holicong and Tamanend because of the South thing) with a bunch of people with the last name starting with "C" and "D." We had assigned games, but they were lame and everyone knew each other already, so we played "Say something random about yourself, and if we like it, we'll give you candy." Nobody wanted to start so I said "I peed on Mickey Mouse's lap when I was younger" and from there on it was magic. One kid could wiggle his eyeballs and make his fingers do weird things, it was insane. Then we played Heads Up 7 Up for a little bit.

We ate lunch at 12:20 after the club fair (Dana and I signed up for 2 more clubs) and Frank, Ryan, Dana and I sat at a table. Frank said, "I can't believe I'm sitting with a bunch of student council members." and I said "Yeah, I can't believe you stooped that low." We're such losers. Later we did the pep rally and we made a bunch of sophomores look ridiculous while we all laughed. Good times.

BUT the best moment, by far, of that day was when Dana and I were walking around upstairs and we saw a bathroom and Dana said, "I never went into that bathroom, let's make it OURS." So, we went in and Dana "made it hers" and she bent over and I said, "Dana...did you just FART?" and she said, "Yeah..." and I started cracking up because it was great, so I said, "You're marking your territory like a dog" and I stuck my leg up to pretend I was a dog pissing on something and then a teacher walked in. WE RAN THE HELL OUT OF THERE AND STARTED CRACKING UP HYSTERICALLY. Jesus bitch, I love Dana. I went home with Courtney, cleaned my room, and now it's all pretty with the new sheets and more room.

Today was okay. I'm now on a bus with a bunch of people who I don't know, except Jen, and AP Bio was...interesting. Let's just say that Mr. Moyer is VERY passionate about both bio, and the class. "You'll work harder for me than for any other teacher you'll ever have." Perrrrrrfect. Modern World History was cool, even though it's at Holicong, and Mr. Galazin seemed to be a really cool guy. We did an activity that really made me think, which I needed. After that, I changed my schedule (I went around 12:45 even though my appt. was at 12...whoops) and now I'm in SAT Math Prep 1st block 1st mp with STEPH! I'm so happy! French was ok, we did some stuff and when Fichtman partnered up with me, I totally went blank. *Smacks forehead* I saw Jeff at the end of the day for 2 seconds, a total of 4 seconds because I saw him for 2 seconds in the morning, and I'm really sad I'm not in any of his classes this year. Damn you bus that gets there at 7:20 and picks me up at 6:50 as opposed to 6:35 so I could have extra socializing time. I'm such a whiner. So that's all. I just want to end with a song, it goes out to someone who means a lot to me.

Love, I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
the light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
the light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
In your eyes, in your eyes
In your eyes, in your eyes
In your eyes, in your eyes

6:58 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments