Saturday, April 30, 2005
This post started a couple of days ago, so bear with me...
Since I've last blogged, there have been shifts in my own little universe. Some for the better, some for the...not-so-good. I really can't say much at this time, but I'm doing alright.
Last night, (Friday) I went to "Lucky Duck Night" at J.M. Grasse, the elementary school that my mom works at with special ed. At this "Lucky Duck" event, they had raffles, Bingo and food, and I actually had a good time. While we were playing Bingo, I always got close to winning but never did. I wanted a box of Girl Scout coThen, a student of my mom's came to play with us, and I won. I was excited because I knew I could get a box of Girl Scout cookies, but then I looked at the little boy. I decided to give him my prize, and he picked a teddy bear from the prize table. Talk about fulfilling. The smiles on both his and his grandfather's faces were infinitely better prizes than those on the table.
Ok, this is me writing today.
I never thought my weekend would get any crazier than "Lucky Duck Night"...but I was wrong!
Saturday, I went a-roving with Zach and later Dan, and we ate and tux shopped and ate again. There might have been a snack in between there, too. However, Saturday night was the cast partay for Camelot. It started off like they usually do. Initiations were amusing as usual, and it was kind of nice to be in the Senior position this time. Mwahaha. Around 12, Zach, Drew, Duffy and I made an illegal Genuardi's run to fetch soda while speaking to each other in negatives, then opposites. I think my brain still hurts. Ow.
At around 1, Zach came up with an idea. He suggested that we go find a White Castle. Mind you, the closest one(s) are in New Jersey. After persuading a stubborn Drew, Zach, Drew, Jeremy Stone and I headed to the ol' NJ.
The first half of the 3 hour trip (approximately) consisted of us calling 411 a million times (when asked location, Drew replied with "...Somewhere in New Jersey.") and Drew yelling at Zach because it was a stupid idea. The trip was amazing. First of all, everything is funny to me when I'm deprived of sleep, so I was laughing non-stop at Jeremy and Drew yelling at Zach. Drew even got to the point where he screamed "I will FUCK you!" at Zach. He still has yet to hardcore assrape Zach. But he will. Oh, he will.
Eventually, Drew and I had to pee, so Zach pulled over to the side of the road. Naturally, Drew had no problem with this, given his plumbing. The last time I peed outside was behind my dad's truck while he was snowplowing. *Shudder* So I was a tad hesitant. I held it until we made our next stop.
Around 3 AM or so, we stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts to load up on gas and donuts and I unloaded an empty bladder. Drew asked if they had any donuts they were going to throw away, and when we bought donuts, they threw in a couple extras. Hell yeah. We arrived back at Jones's house around 3:30 or something, and because of the sugar buzz, the glow-in-the-dark "trippy wall" I was next to, and the tossing about of a stytofoam head (like...a head), I didn't fall asleep for quite awhile.
Although I probably ended up getting cancer from standing outside for a few minutes in New Jersey, I'd say it was worth it. It was simply awesome.
Well, I'd ramble on about lost opportunity, but I have to go eat. Catch YOU on the flip side.
12:39 PM | Jacquie |
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Well, the past few days have been very...interesting. Some of it is reminiscent of a typical WB show plot. But here's how it all went down.
On Thursday, Drew asked me to be an escort for the Mr. East competition because he couldn't get in touch with Marina. At this point, he was under the impression that Marina liked him, due to a "complication" of sorts. Silly Jeff Christianson. Anyway, after doing a buttload of laundry and chores and whatnot, I went to rehearsal at 5:30 and was there until about 9:45, because we ran through it twice. Good stuff all around from the contestants.
On Friday, I did absolutely nothing during the course of the day. This made up for my motivation the day before. I played online games with Maia, and talked online to various people (Dan). Dan told me that his mother was being Satan again and was possibly not letting him go to prom with me. Not cool. So, I went to East at 6, and wasn't feeling too great. I gorged on free food, so my stomach felt a little better. The show went well, everyone was great, and Meghan, Brianna and I were being obnoxious when we cheered for people. After all the guys did their talents, the escorts had to go backstage.
Before going on, I envisioned myself tripping on stage and laughing hyserically. So what do I do when I go out there? I step on my dress, and grab the top so as not to "pop" out of it. It was hilarious, and Drew and I had a good laugh about that. And then we had a slow dance...
"You cannot look into his eyes
Because your pulse must not say
What must not be said."
...during which Drew and I discussed Jesus at a Phish concert. Good stuff.
Right after the show concluded, I told Drew that in fact, Marina does not like him. I do. After a period of awkwardness with "Yeaaaaah..." contributed by myself at times, he asked if I'd want to hang out sometime, and I said...yeah. Then we saw Zach, and we (including Steph, Christina, and Janna) went to Perkins. Drew whipped out his sax and started playing it at the restaurant, and people at another table applauded when he finished.
Drew won Mr. Perkins hands down.
I heard this song post-shower today:
"Talk to me, you never talk to me.
Ooh, it seems that I can speak.
But I can hear my voice shouting out.
But there's no reply at all.
Look at me, you never look at me,
Ooh, I've been sitting, staring, seems so long.
But you're looking through me
Like I wasn't here at all.
No reply, there's no reply at all.
Dance with me, you never dance with me.
Ooh, it seems that I can move,
I'm close to you, close as I can get.
Yet there's no reply at all,
There's no reply at all."
-Genesis "No Reply At All"
So yeah. I told him. I don't know where it goes from here.
Does it go anywhere from here?
3:52 PM | Jacquie |
Friday, April 22, 2005
"I've seen your picture
Your name in lights above it
This is your big debut
It's like a dream come true
And when you smile for the camera
I know they're gonna love it...
...So won't you smile for the camera
I know I'll love you better"
Huzzah for Steely Dan.
11:10 AM | Jacquie |
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Every once in awhile, (because I'm an overly sentimental dweeb) I look back at past posts to laugh at myself and whatnot. So, a couple of minutes ago, I decided to see what happened on this date 3 years ago. If any of you remember my blog from that time, it was an ADD-ridden Weezer reference fest with random friends thrown in occasionally. On April 21, 2002, I seemed to find Control Freak and the World Music Awards of great importance to my "audience." Oh wait, let's not forget Spider Solitaire...
Flash forward one year. On April 21, 2003, mini-me was writing a beautifully constructed rant about a trip to Outer Banks with her brother Kyle and her Aunt Viv and Uncle Charles. Fond memories, indeed...
"I was so relieved to be back in the ol' PA, despite wanting to leave it so many times before. It really takes a vacation to make you realize that your home really isn't all that bad. I'm just glad to say I'm back now with the people I love, and I hope to stay here for as long as possible."
Then came a very shocking surprise...
"April 21, 2004 — A serious multi-vehicle accident has Route 413 shut down in Buckingham, Bucks County. It happened at Paist Road at 3:15pm.
One car possibly had 5 teenagers in it, all from Central Bucks East. Four medical helicopters and multiple ambulances were called to the scene."
...and the aftermath...
April 22, 2004:
"Our lunch table, probably the loudest one in the whole place, was practically mute today. Sometimes silence can be louder than sound."
"That's all for now. All we can do is have hope."
April 25, 2004:
"Two nights ago, I had a two-part dream.
The first part was a little odd, but nice, I guess.
Brandon Boger called me and told me that he was alright, and we had a nice conversation. Then he called back a couple of minutes later and told me that he called me by accident. Well, yeah. I also saw him in a hospital bed, Holly was there also if I remember correctly, and he was perfectly alright. That made me happy."
I don't think I ever told anyone about this, but a newspaper reporter e-mailed me right before Brandon's death. She found my blog while searching for his name, and read that excerpt. She asked me if I had any information about him. I was in AP Bio with him, and all I could possibly say about him is that he seemed like a nice guy, he liked Chappelle's Show, and that at one point, Missy and Jess argued over him. I didn't know what to say, so I never e-mailed her back. That might sound rude, but given the circumstances, I didn't want to be quoted because I didn't really know him, and that would be fraudulent and disrespectful. I probably should have e-mailed her back and apologized for not having anything to say, but I could never bring myself to hit the "Reply" button. I guess the silence speaks for itself.
2:57 PM | Jacquie |
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I'm going to Moravian College!
The future looks bright.
"And she lived happily ever after..."
10:53 PM | Jacquie |
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Hey, can someone tell me which college I'm going to? Thanks, that would be great.
*Sigh* If you know me, you know that I can't make decisions. Even trivial ones, like deciding which cereal I want to eat, or on what day of the week I'm going to shower, ALWAYS get me flustered. This gigantic decision has been hovering over me for quite some time, but during that time, I decided that I'm probably, most likely, etc. going to Ursinus. Now that May 1st is approaching...I don't exactly know. Maybe it's because I'm very OCD and like to check things a thousand times to make sure I'm positive, or maybe it's because I don't want to make a mistake. Either way, I'm doing more research, and hopefully I'll come to a decision and peace of mind. It's funny, I've been wanting to go to Ursinus for a very long time, but the more I look at Moravian website and think about the school itself (not to the mention the idea of going to college with Marina), I feel more at home there. True, Ursinus might offer more in the aspect of connections and work study and whatnot, but if I'm not going to enjoy the experience...why bother?
I'll just have to "sleep on it," as 20th century philosopher Meatloaf would say.
3:38 PM | Jacquie |
After a brief encounter with a warm Italian family, we were led down the wooden steps into a cold, ugly basement. The centerpiece of this bunker was a couch. One of those "vintage" 70's pieces. Bold and ugly.
Red cups on the table.
"Want something to drink? We got...orange, coke, diet coke..."
"Nah, I'm good, thanks."
I looked over and saw the other one holding a rectangular piece of glass over his head like a trophy.
"I found a new way to open the window!" I could see Possibility stretching his features. "Bigger bottles..."
He gingerly guided Peach Shnapps through the window. She smiled at me, but I pretended that she wasn't there.
I remember a time when I wanted to be something like that. Popular, life of the party. Those elementary days have passed, and I've seen where that path leads to. It's not as sweet as it seems.
As she made her way around the room, I lowered my head. I heard a noise, and turned. In front of a prominent wine collection sat paper remains from Bartles & Jaymes that fell from its nest near the ceiling.
She decided that she wanted to leave and get dessert, so naturally, we followed suit. As I emerged from the cement container, I was welcomed into the family again. An orange glow filled the room, and I spotted four oversized loaves of bread snuggled by each other on a countertop.
Leaving the house, I looked back and said goodbye to the family.
I didn't join them for dessert. Partially by choice, partially by my family's wishes. I hopped into my beloved Blazer, and on that solitary drive home I thought, "So this is high school."
10:50 AM | Jacquie |
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Happy Springmas, everyone!
Finally, spring is here, and everything seems a little brighter. Or maybe I have SAD. Regardless, yesterday was a very..."nice day."
Marina was taking some shots for Photo 1 at my (Doylestown) house. It was there, on a nearby street corner, that dreams came true. Ok, that's a stretch, a lot of "good stuff" happened. (The suspense!)
My brother, Kyle, started waving to cars at the 4-way stop, and whenever we got a wave, beep, or thumbs-up in return, Marina and I would clap. This evolved into us shouting "Have a nice day!" at any pedestrian or car with the windows down. My (other) brother, Scott, ran inside to make a "Have a nice day!" sign, and we held this up on the corner and waved for approximately...2 hours.
Yes, this may soung childish or even crazy...
British guy in a car: "You're crazy! You're crazy!"
(on his way back): "You're STILL crazy!"
...to Brits, but it was one of the most uplifting things I've ever done. It's so corny, yet I couldn't wipe the gigantic grin off of my face whenever someone yelled back even something like, "Thanks! You too!" If I was one of those drivers, I'd love it; it would absolutely make my day. In fact, someone later recognized us when we were returning from Drew's work (sign included) and motioned at us to the passenger. Marina and I were momentarily confused, but when we saw them wave and smile, we put the sign up to the window. It was nice to see things come full circle.
The addition of a peace sign later harbored even more response, which leads me to believe that I've been justified in having faith in people. We're all stuck here, so let's just learn to be a little kinder to each other. I'm not saying everyone has to stand on a corner with a sign and goofy grin on their face, (although that would be amazing) I'm just saying that we shouldn't be living in fear all of the time. The response from people was the basis of how fulfilling our brief stint at spreading happiness was. There were a few emo boys who tried to bring us down ("Have a MISERABLE day!" and "I don't give a shit!") but other than those people, everyone was loving it. Including us. Even Zach, who stopped by, was a converted skeptic. His face began hurting from smiling so much. We were essentially the Polyphonic Spree minus the robes and music.
So have a good day/night, whatever you current time of day while reading this is. Spread the phrase if you please. It's amazing how a simple expression can brighten someone's day, including your own.
8:04 PM | Jacquie |
Monday, April 04, 2005
"That was the best two hours that I've ever spent in a library."
I made a friend today. Here's what happened...
Because of the (unnecessary) PSSA testing going on, we had a funky schedule that entitled seniors to come in late. I, however, had some work to do, so I came in.
I went to the library (twice, actually, the first time was a failed attempt at entering passless. Go rebellion!) and looked around for a shpot. After seeing no one that I knew because a) senoirs weren't there and b) juniors were taking the test, I spotted a kid with a Dali shirt and sat near him.
After working for a little, the kid looked over and asked what time we move on to our next class. I told him, knowing that my estimate was probably wrong, but he accepted...and I nodded...and yeah.
The kid left and came back with an "East Wind." (School newspaper)
Kid: Have you read this?
Me: ...No (I actually did, but I didn't remember)
Kid: Why not?
Me: Uh...I don't know.
Kid: (Flips to back, and points to a picture) See that?
Me: Yeah, it's you.
Kid: (Opens) And that? (Points to an article)
Kid: Read it. (Leaves)
At this point, I start laughing to myself because of how random the whole episode is. I thought, what the heck, I'll read it and humor this kid.
In a nutshell, the article was about love and not knowing what it is, but giving the advice to go for it when it feels right. It wasn't bad, I'm not really much of a critic, so when he asked me what I thought, I said it was good. I felt that it almost related to me recently, but I didn't want to get into specifics.
Me: (mutters to self) Sounds like something I'd write...
For the next two hours, this guy and I had quite a substaintial conversation. I won't type out the entire conversation, but found out a lot about him, and whenever there was a silence, one of us would say something and spark more conversation. But the silences were never really awkward. I found that we had a couple of things in common. We both can't draw, can't stand it when people criticize things they know nothing about, hate "fiction and non-fiction" (if you know what I mean), and others. We both love stand-up comedy (he likes Eddie Izzard and Margaret Cho!), The Crucible, being alone, my Blazer and crazy scarf, and more importantly, art.
He asked me if I saw the Dali exhibit...
Kid: Do you want to go?
Me: Yeah, I do.
Kid: Do you want to go...like...both of us?
Kid: (Whips out paper) Sorry for this being so informal (jots down number, and hands it over)
So yeah, it was interesting, and a little like...the old me. Not saying that this was naive (although going to a city with someone you really don't know is either very trusting or very foolish), but a couple of years ago I was a little less reserved in conversation with nearly strangers. I doubt if I will be allowed to go with some random kid I met in a library (he talked to the library lady, so he can't be THAT harmless) but I'll push for it. I want to go.
5:53 PM | Jacquie |
Saturday, April 02, 2005
"Smile...you look like a vampire."
That's a reassuring thing to hear from you 10-year-old brother when you first wake up. Maybe it's the degree of paleness I have achieved by becoming a hermit, or maybe it's the dark eye makeup from the play that I didn't wash off last night. I guess it's a combination of the two.
Speaking of the play, opening night went off without a hitch, at least from what I experienced. Our energy level was insane, and it's mainly due to two things:
1) The audience at teasers (snippets from the play during the school day intending to persuade people to pay money to see us) was DEAD. I wouldn't even be exaggerating much to say that I saw strings of saliva hanging off of peoples' gaping mouthes. So at that point, we knew we had to step it up if we wanted our audience members to AT LEAST have pulses.
2) Zach Stone, the official "hype man" of Patriot Players. He's similar to those random dudes who gravitate around rappers and say things like, "Yeeh! C'mon!" Now that I think about, Zach even says things like that. This is, hands down, THE best quote of last night (preceding "The Lusty Month of May"): "I want it to be so lusty, that the audience will be borderline masturbating!"
*Sigh* Oh Patriot Players, how I love thee.
There was, however, a sad note in the triumphant night. All I had to hear was someone say "Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents!" and I was glued to the tube in some random dressing room. After anticipating and laughing at all of the jokes, it was over. Then, on the screen, I saw:
We Miss You Too"
...and my jaw dropped. After spazzing out for a minute, I thought "JEFF!" (because he's the one who introduced me to Mitch) and ran to go find him backstage. After searching for awhile, I found him and told him. Even on his shadowed face I could make out his complete shock. After letting it sink in, he said, "I hope he ODed," which would be an entirely inappropriate thing to say if it wasn't concerning Mitch Hedberg. Apparently, Mitch naturally has a bad heart, and when mixed with drug use, it obviously can lead to disaster.
I still can't grasp it. I'm not going to discuss how funny he was because of two reasons:
1) Anyone who finds Mitch funny knows the genius behind it.
2) He still IS funny, and will be for a very long time.
I'm crying right now, partially due to the death of Mitch Hedberg. I always respond to deaths of people I admire and respect in this way, even if I never knew them. But gazing out a rainy window and listening to a melancholy piano solo adds another dimension to my sadness.
Considering I STILL haven't washed my makeup off, I must look even more frightening. I'll wash it off in awhile, but for now, I'm going to let the mascara have a good run because it's exactly what I need it to do. Tonight, I'll reapply my happy face for the play, and let the moment drip from my pores.
Yet, there's something else I'm upset over.
I tell people that I don't really want to leave high school, and when they ask why, I usually give all sorts of bullshit reasons. Yet, Patriot Players is the truest one. After this weekend, Camelot won't exist anymore, but the memory will stay with me forever. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my definition of my high school experience can be accurately described in a sequence of plays. The time between those plays was but preparation for the one to come. Friendships and relationships that I have made center mostly on Patriot Players, and I take pride in the fact that I belong to the group, even if that sounds lame. I don't care.
One of the best feelings is belonging to something that you helped to create. It's belonging without "belonging," creating your own world when you find the real one, or the bullshit high school one, unsatisfying. When I look around at the other people on stage, I realize that they're here because they WANT to be here. We all have this in common. Sometimes, a family is there only because they feel obligated. Sometimes, they're not even there at all. So I think I'm justified in saying that the people in Patriot Players, who I've "grown up" with, are a real family to me. I've gotten to know them, befriend them, learn with them, live with them. But most importantly...I love them, and I don't want our Camelot to end.
"Don't let it be forgot
that once there was a spot,
for one brief shining moment
that was known as Camelot."
I miss you too.
11:38 AM | Jacquie |