Life of the Bored and Taskless.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Well golly Bob howdy, I'm home sick. This morning I felt shitty, but I've felt consistantly shitty this whole week, so it wasn't anything new. I hope I haven't whined too much this week, but sometimes you just feel like whining. Yesterday, I came home, took some aspirin, a teaspoon of codiene, and drank some Sleepytime Tea while eating candy. I hoped that I'd be either zonked out or a little pepped up, but instead I got a weird combination of the two. I called up Frank so he could hear my psycho babble, and I pretty much just vegged out. Believe it or not, I actually did my homework. I couldn't fall asleep, and woke up, complained a little and here I am. Watching a spelling bee on ESPN. I also watched some of a middle school math competition called Math Counts. I love how I'm sick and crap and I'm watching people who are younger than me that make me look really stoopid. Whatever, hey, I was in that National Geographic bee last year. Too bad I didn't know olives grew on trees...heh...I'm such a dumbass. And that wasn't even the one I got out on. Oh well. I hope I'm not missing too much. Right now, I'd be in...French. Now I'm glad I didn't go to school. I have about 3 hours left of Jacquie time before my brothers invade it and rip it to shreds. I just hope I'll be ok for Relay For Life, I don't want to miss that, even if it DOES rain. Grrr. Well, ta ta for now!

1:18 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Monday, May 26, 2003

I just came back from Bridget's house, I went over there last night and did a bunch of stuff. Wanna know what I did? (You: SHUT YOUR HOLE!) Alrighty then! I went over there at about 7-ish, and we all, including Cory, went to Bridget's brother, Matt's, party. Tons of food was served. Bridget, Cory, and I went on a (long) walk, and we saw some shady people so we went the other way. We came back, and Bridget and I listened to mucho music by The Beatles, Midnight Voices, etc. Bridget has a kickass CD player, by the way. I'm not jealous because I have a piece of SHIT CD player...heh...uh, anyway. Bridget fell asleep, and I listened to the best of U2 1980-1990, yeah, the good stuff minus "Gloria".

Bridget breathed REALLY loudly, I'd like to add, hehe, so I prompted her to stop. I had a WEIRD dream: I was in my Aunt's driveway, and I looked across the street and there was a party going on, so I went over and onto a schoolbus parked in their driveway. EVERYONE in the bus was smoking pot, and I saw Kellie rolling a joint, and said, "Kellie, you're...ROLLING A JOINT?" and she was like, "Hi Jacquie!" and I said, "Kellie, you are a moron." and left. Then I flipped someone off and walked away and ran into Jim Pierce. The end. The night before, I had a dream that I was in a hotel with Brianna Field-Taylor and some other people, and some man dared her to go out onto the balcony and he would dangle a hammer above her head while she sang with a guitar, and he told me to shake her head and crap while he did that. So, the dare went as planned, and as I was doing stuff to her head, she fell off the balcony and many many stories to the ground. Everyone was devastated, but the thing is, they all blamed it on ME! Then, we turned on a TV, and the news people had a videotape of me going into the bathroom in the hotel room with a blank stare on my face and my mouth open and they said, "Here is the violent 15-year-old who killed a girl" blah blah blah. And I woke up petrified, very freaky stuff. I love Brianna! Man...dreams are SO weird.

So, this morning, we woke up and Bridget beat me at a game of Yahtzee. Then, Bridget DROVE (yeah Bridget!) us to the mall, and we had SO much fun shopping. Well, bargain hunting, because it's what we do best. We criticized the clothes at Charlotte Russe to pieces, 'twas awesome indeed. I got a $6.99 New Orleans shirt at Weathervane that said, "Laissez les bon temps roulez!" meaning "Let the good times roll!" Fichtman would be proud, but I don't give a shit what she thinks because the bitch put "Talks persistently" on my progress report! I talk as much as everyone else does! Bridget got a $4.99 tank and a 99 cent turtleneck at Rave. I applaud Bridget, that was incredible. At Bath and Body Works, Bridget got Freesia body wash, I got Mandarin Mango lotion, and we both got these cute little rainbow striped bags, which we're calling lunchboxes...even if they're not. At the end of the shopping excursion, we got Auntie Anne's pretzels, the best damn soft pretzels in the universe! When we got back, we watched Two Weeks Notice, which was a really good movie. Cory came over later and we ate dinner, then played around with a soccer ball and a volleyball. The volleyball killed my arms, and I pulled a muscle. Owie. So, that's it. I'm off to go dread going back to school. Awwww here it goes!

8:22 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Steph and I were bored, so we decided to write a song, after being inspired by Scott's mad songwriting skills. I picked the tune, Steph picked the subject matter. So, here it is!

"Fat Camp" (To the tune of "Baby Beluga")

EmoElmoEmu3: Cunfer-sized people going to fat camp
sloopiesg: they love to eat, and they hate getting damp
EmoElmoEmu3: Love handles above, and flubber below
sloopiesg: wouldn't you love to see a fat people show

Chorus:
sloopiesg: Faaat people caaaamp
sloopiesg: Faaat people caaaamp
sloopiesg: they hate to get weighed, but still have to do it, we hate to see their flubber....

EmoElmoEmu3: Lardasses losing pounds, and gaining friends
sloopiesg: they try to hide candy but it always ends
EmoElmoEmu3: Their Kit Kats are krumpled, their Snickers smashed
sloopiesg: then they drink all night and get trashed

(Chorus)

sloopiesg: the fat little boys love the fat little girlies
EmoElmoEmu3: When they're at school, the non-whales give them all swirlies
sloopiesg: they're called fatty, lardy, and even chubby
EmoElmoEmu3: they waddle as people call them "tubby"

(Chorus)

EmoElmoEmu3: As they leave the fat camp, big fat tears are shed
sloopiesg: they're happy there's no more running, they just want their beds
EmoElmoEmu3: They can do what they please, eat some mac & cheese
sloopiesg: and their sweets will not be seized

(Chorus)

THE END! It's...so...beautiful! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

11:12 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

God, someone shoot me.

Because I'm sick, and lazy, I'm now stranded on loser island with my two brothers and their friend Ray. I love it how they think they're so badass when they call me a "B-I-T-C-H" or say the word penis. Add in the Homies, and they're the baddest motherpluckers J-son has EVA seen. It's also funny, because Scott having Ray over is like if Uncle Billy invited his supplier over. In both cases, their obsessions are personified. Scott with Yu-Gi-Oh, Uncle Billy with...God knows what. I'm also listening to high-level conversations. Ex: "You're fugly!" "Shut your hole!" "You're fugly!" "Shut your hole!" OVER AND OVER. I'm getting a fricking migraine. What's this funny feeling I'm getting...all I took was Adv-iagra. Shit. I have some 'splanin' to do.

In French class, we went to the computer lab, and while we were working, a message popped up on everyone's computer: "Messaging is for LOSERS." We were all confused and Fichtman was like, "Jacquie, it looks like it's coming from your computer" and I told her I didn't do it. Then some lady came in and said it was all over the library and pointed at my computer and said, "It appears to be from computer 2..." Then Fichtman said the unthinkable. "Jacquie couldn't have possibly done it, she's the most innocent one here!" My jaw almost dropped. Whoa. So I looked back and Winston was pointing to himself, saying that he did it. Whatever, people who take French are messed up...i.e. Me.

Last night, Jeff and I went to see X-Men. On the ride there, Dad discussed where he flipped out in his car(s), how pissed off he was when he got a ticket the other day (and how much he showed it), and some bitchy lady he had to work for, among other things. It was great, I said, "Hey dad, look at that sign, 'Watch Out For Aggressive Drivers'!" And he said, "Yeah, that would be me." Then I realized, my dad and mom have MAJOR road rage...what the hell will become of me?! I'm not exactly a calm person when I'm WALKING. I'm doomed. So after all of that hilarity insued, and he said that Mexicans should go back to their own country, we arrived at the movie theater, which was PACKED. Everything was sold out, except for the Matrix, which was R. I love coincidences. Jeff bumped into some people he used to live by, and we got in The Matrix with some kid's dad. The movie was SO GOOD, I'd definitely see it again. Dan told me about seeing it with him and Frank on IMAX, and I hope I can go, I just hope they won't beat me up if I tell them I *unintentionally* saw it with Jeff. Whooops...

Before I went out last night, my brothers and I watched some high quality shiz on channel 63. Never watched channel 63? That's because it's cable access and a half. That channel is multi-purposed. They had a QVC-like thing on this morning. Anyway, back to my point, we watched an advertisement for a couple of videos they were selling by the "Best Buddies." Basically, the Best Buddies are 4 "brothers and sisters" (I swear one was like 20 and was trying to be younger) who sang songs. What made this stand out from all of the other hokey childrens' videos was that they're southern...and Christian. I say, when doing really bad songs, let God be. It was SO damn funny, I was sold, I'd buy those videos for MYSELF. There was even puppets who moved their mouthes out of sync! They had 3, videos, one had the title, "Sorry, I'm allegic to griping." ...Wow. They sang corny songs, one involving the line, "If they start to smoke, and they start to do drugs, tell your friend that you've had enough!" HAH! It's great, because here are these little wholesome kids from Louisiana singing about drugs. Scott pranced around and made fun of the songs. Jeff was on the phone with me, and said that we're going to Hell...PSH! Our whole family, from day one, was destined to go to Hell! Order Best Buddies today, for some God-awful family fun! a-HA!

I'm off to futher disable my computer by downloading more songs. You'd better believe I've already downloaded songs from The Lizzie McGuire Movie and Holes. "Hey now, hey now, this is what dreeeeeams are made off..."

7:52 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Ok, so we're in French class, and Fichtman handed back our progress reports today and the unthinkable happened...

Me: You know, it says "Madane Fichtman" on them, right?
Fichtman: Oh, yeah, still haven't fixed that.
Joe: Yeah, I mean, it says "Yegor" on mine, what kind of shit is that?
*GASP*

Amazing. See, Joe's real name is Yegor, but he likes to be called Joe, who knows why. It was so damn funny, everyone gasped, we thought Fichtman would eat him, but instead we all had a nice laugh.

Once again, Caitlin and I have WAY too much time on our hands. We continued making geometric terms into weirdass sexual connotations. I will share with you some of my personal favorites:

"I'll tri your angle!"
"I'll rec your tangle!"
"I'll rhom your bi!"
"I'll trape your ezoid!" (so ghetto!)

and my two favorites from today

"I'll supple your mentary!"
"I'll perpen your dicular!"

The last one is hands down the best.

Speaking of hands down, I have this pencil that my aunt got me, and IT CHANGES COLORS WHEN YOU RUB IT! It goes from orange to yellow, and it looks really bad if you wrap your hand around it and rub it up and down...I learned that the hard way. And no Jeff, I'm NOT practicing. Hmpf!

One more thing, Yu-Gi-Oh has officially lost its place in my brothers' hearts. Guess what the new little fad is? They call them "Homies." They're little plastic figurines of ghetto people, and they're really stupid. What's worse is that I'm afraid that they're going to turn out to be like some of the people who think that they are straight up from the 'hood, but live in white, middle class suburbia. It's really pathetic. I'll give ya the link, check them out, it's quite entertaining what marketing plot little kids fall helplessly into. "Homies Bendables in the heezy fo sheezy!"

I'm out, it's American Idol time. *Smack*

7:54 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Monday, May 19, 2003

I haven't blogged in a while because I haven't gotten around to it. Lie. My internet connection has threatened to chop off my hand if I blog. Lie. I was dead at the time. Lie. I was on the moon...with STEVE! Lie. The real truth: Everytime I think I should, the TV or some other insignificant piece of shit tells me not to. I guess a lot has happened, but that's all in a matter of opinion. Here we go. If I feel like it.

I recovered my past in the form of my 5th grade journal and my crappyass 3rd grade story "The Golden Trolls." Let me share with you some of my favorite quotes from "The Golden Trolls": "Their hair was dirty brown like dirt." "This one troll named Wormy, his real name was Charlie but he was so wormy everyone called him Wormy."...end of sentence? "King Lonely said, "Look what fiddle-faddle I got myself into!" Pure genius. But I can't forget my horrible poetry from 5th grade. In example, "Luggage Tag" and "The 100 Pound Coffee Cake." One day I'll take my journal home and share those beautiful works of art with you all.

Saturday was the Sprizzing Flizzing, and it was very fun. I'll rewind. Me, Brittany, Jen, Nadia, Christina and Nikki went over Jen's house beforehand to get ready. Nadia straightened my hair, and I thought it looked purty nice! Jeff arrived and I practically hyperventilated because of a few things: I just got my period and I was supposed to a few days before that, I had no nail polish on, and I'm a big spaz. We all took pictures for a LOOOONG time, and we ended up being a half an hour late to the dance itself. Ok, so the music BLOWED until the last half hour, I had a great time with Jeff, like usual. The corsage he got me was beautiful, and he was so damn cute! And yes, Kellie was dressed in her infamous golden "dress" (more like tank top). Let me just say that I love Dana for her comment about it...mwahahaha. Afterwards, we went to Applebee’s and I looked and talked like I was under the influence of many illegal substances. Maybe it was the exhaustion, I don't know, but I was going, going, GONE. After that, we went to Nadia's house and slept over. I went to sleep at 4 AM because I'm a psycho, and to further prove that, I found the word "urine" or anything relating to it HILARIOUS. I am indeed a strange bird.

Yesterday I got out of going to Bachelism's because when I came home from Nadge's, I took a long nap and woke up feeling oh-so-shitty. So, I laid in bed and watched Jim Carrey movies. Next to him, I'm not so psychotic after all!

According to Jared Goodman, I am a vagina head.

You know that you have a serious problem when you look forward to American Idol. I am a very sad, strange little girl. Quick! Someone name where that slightly altered quote is from! You people should know!

Shit. Either I just got hot really quickly, or I have a fever. Today I felt really crappy, well, until Basic Music Theory. It really helps when someone actually cares about you when you're feeling down. Jeff made me feel so much better, I love him.

Alright, that pretty much wraps it up. Tune in next time for a steaming hot load of shite. Mmmm, wake up and smell the crapcakes!

9:17 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Monday, May 05, 2003

Man, Friday was AMAZING! Steph and I, being the badasses that we be, went to go see not one but TWO movies. I totally lied to my aunt and said that I was going to Steph's to eat before the movie...whoops. Oh, oh, lock me up and throw away the key! We first saw the Lizzie McGuire Movie at 5:10, and besides us, the rest of the people in the theater were little girls and their moms. Guess who laughed the hardest out of everyone...us! Especially at one part...heh...CHEESE...heh. Oh man, we kept relating the characters to people we know, the biggest resemblance being Duane to Ethan, it was so great! Like for instance: "You've never had a spaghetti sandwich?!" = DUANE! Steph is Lizzie, I'm Miranda (who wasn't in the movie) and we called up Dana (she couldn't go because she was grounded! Poop.) and told her she was Gordo. Gordo rules man, but I felt so bad for him in the movie!

I forgot to mention, we bought two large sodas and an x-large poppycorn for our dinner, and we pretty much finished the popcorn in one movie! Steph has MAJOR bladder problems, because she went twice during Lizzie McGuire and twice during Holes. Man, I went twice and I had the same amount of soda as she did! Before going into Holes, we saw Dan as he was going into X2, and he made fun of us because we be Disney hos. Which is true, by the way. We saw Holes at 7:10, and we have agreed that it's better than the Lizz's movie. Awww Zero is so cute! Once again we were talking nonstop, and I was filling Steph in on the "connections" because I read the book a million years ago. Man, we were entertaining ourselves SO much! One thing we also both agree on...Disney movie songs are the best! The "Dig It" song from Holes and "Why Not?" and "What Dreams Are Made Of" from the Lizzie McGuire Movie rock it like a Bop-It!

Saturday and Sunday I had to help my aunt with this dig at the Willet-Knight House in Feasterville. The guy who owns the house let us have three 5' by 5' excavation units, and we found some cool stuff...ok, I thought it was cool. I was supposed to be a "helper" but I ended up working like all the other kids. We found bottles, parts of dishes and a headless figurine among other things. On Saturday, we only dug and sifted, but yesterday we also cleaned the artifacts we found and me and this girl Alex Zubak mapped the excavation units in relation to the house and garage while adding little details because 1) It's fun and 2) we didn't feel like doing anything else. Everyone there was in 5th or 6th grade, so I fit in perfectly. Alex turns out to be Sara Giampolo's sister's best friend, how about that! Yesterday, two papers showed up (Bucks County Courier Times and something else) and it turns out I'll probably be in either one on Wednesday or so...cool.

Saturday night, me and Jeffy went to Unos then the movies. We had to wait a bit for a table at Unos, but when we were there was no kiddie menu involved! Woo! Jeff got a bigass 10 oz. Uno Burger and I got New England Clam Chowder and Fajitas. Leave it to me to come up with a whacked up combination that works. While we sat there, there was a TV behind me showing Access Hollywood's top 10 supermodels, so Jeff got a treat and if he got bored with me, I'm sure he got some eye candy from there, hahahaha. We walked over to the Barn and while we were crossing the street, some guy yelled at us and it turned out to be George's dad and little brother in the car! We saw Anger Management, and oh man, if you haven't seen it yet, DO SO! It's SO DAMN FUNNY! Let me just tell you in advance that you'll have "I Feel Pretty" in your head afterwards as well as the phrase "Goosfraba." Afterwards these people were harassing us about how we're 12 and midgets and the usual, *sigh* I'm so used to it by now, but why can't people just shut the fuck up?! Everything was great, and like always I had a great time with Jeff! By the way, tomorrow's our 2 month anniversary...yay! :) Too bad SOMEONE didn't remember it right away, hehehe. I can't wait for the dance, we'll be SO color coordinated you won't be able to handle it, especially now that we've decided on red flowers! I might straighten my hair as well...we'll see...

Some random things:
1) We watched part of the movie Final Fantasy in Bower's class on Friday and it was SO FUCKING AWESOME! See, for cuss shunners, Nadia, I had to drop the F-bomb to emphasize the point I was trying to get across. The computer animation looked so realistic it was scary! Unfortunately Marc forgot to bring it today, but his ass has been kicked so he will on Wednesday...mwahaha...
2) In French class today, we watched this video about this girl named Clementine who was under the Dipschmidt's and my definition of a lesbian was one. Butch haircut...check. Flannel shirt...check. Oh yeah. It was about her sister who flunked her "bac" (hardass French SAT type test) and doesn't want to flunk it again. But wait...while she was studying, some random guy was on her bed massaging her hand and all of a sudden she rolled on top of him WHOA WHOA! Marc swore it was a porno, and after that, I think he's right.
3) Talent show is on Friday, woo, I want to see talented people, unlike me!
4) Chorus convert is next Wednesday...I think we're ready...TO SUCK! Oh man, why does "Rhythm Of Life" have to haunt my thoughts? *Shudder*
5) Mrs. Olsen is leaving after next week! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
6) The number 1-866-868-4433 is the "Hail To The Thief Customer Care Hotline." Basically, it's toll-free and you can listen to parts from about 4 songs off of Radiohead's brand spanking new album coming out June 10th. I warn you, if you do call, it's weird as HELL...yet very amusing!