Life of the Bored and Taskless.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

BITTERSWEET DAY

Runner's death mars Big Sur Marathon

By JONATHAN SEGAL

Herald Staff Writer

A runner's death from cardiac arrest on Mile 17 of the Big Sur International Marathon marred an otherwise successful event.

The runner, an East Coast resident in his late 40s, did not respond to attempts to resuscitate him at the scene or at Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula, where doctors pronounced him dead.

That was my one of my 3rd cousins, my Great-Great Aunt Irene's son, Matthew. I know "Renie" more than Matthew, but it's really sad because he left his wife and children so suddenly.

I came into school today and found out that one of the autistic students at our school passed away last night at the age of 17. Add Matthew and the car crash to that, and hey, the last two weeks need to be erased from my memory. Mmmm yeah...that would be grrreat.

People need to stop dying. I'm just wondering when it's my turn now. Who knows. We don't have a lot of time.

5:05 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

When: Wednesday 7/7, 7pm
Where: Penn's Landing Festival Pier
Tickets: On Sale Fri. 4/30 @ 10am.

Who: *seizure*
WHO!: *convulses on floor*
SPIT IT OUT!:...BEN FOLDS, GUSTER AND RUFUS WAINWRIGHT!

There. I said it. The concert of a lifetime, and I'll be gone when tickets go on sale. I am going to that concert, I'll sell my body to science, ANYTHING! I. MUST. GO. Anyone else who wants to go, let me know.

Question: Is it better to be naive or constantly jump to conclusions?
I want to hear your opinion on this, so drop one. (A comment, that is.)

4:45 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Weirdjacquiedreamstory Time!

Two nights ago, I had a two-part dream.

The first part was a little odd, but nice, I guess. Brandon Boger called me and told me that he was alright, and we had a nice conversation. Then he called back a couple of minutes later and told me that he called me by accident. Well, yeah. I also saw him in a hospital bed, Holly was there also if I remember correctly, and he was perfectly alright. That made me happy.

The second part was VERY strange. First, I watched a wedding, and it wasn't in a church or anything, it was in some hall. The bride entered with a line of weird dancing children in front of her. This is my dream, after all. My memory's a little sketchy, but I remember looking down and I noticing was wearing a dress that was white at the top and gradually darkened into a dark blue at the bottom, and I realized that I was getting married...to Chuck. The ceremony started, and we took a break in between. I sat down at the bar with two of my female "cousins" (they weren't my real cousins) and they ordered alcoholic drinks. I attempted to, but wasn't legally of age yet. I saw Chuck, who was wearing a black tux, and he sat down next to me and stole my cousins drink drank from it. I felt weird that I was the bride and wasn't even old enough to have alcohol, and thought "I'm getting married, and I'm only 17...wait, I'm not even 17 yet!" and had a slight mental freakout, then woke up.

Last night, I had a dream that I was trying out for a play. I got up on the stage, did my thing, then Fichtman asked me "Do you want to be a dancer or in the chorus?" I thought it over, then said, "Well, I guess I did better dancing than singing." She agreed. Somehow, I ended up with Chuck, and he gave me a pair of earrings and a broach, and they were HUGE and covered with precious stones. I'm not sure what they were for, but I joked about dancing during the play with them on and Chuck was like "Oh no you di-int" (not really, but you know what I mean) I don't remember anything else, but I know Marina was there. Yay for Marina.

I'm so messed up.

On Friday, I hung out with Chuck, and it was grrrreat! We went to Giggleberry Fair with Dan Keller, and DDRed and such. Good stuff. Looking up obscenities in a English-French dictionary is always fun. We dropped Dan off, and went out for pizza at Spatola's, where Chuck was having a burping contest with a little kid. It was so funny, these two girls were totally freaked out. We went back to Chuck's place and hung out for awhile, which was very fun as well. ;)

I went to my brother's baseball game yesterday. Pretty boring, but the little guy got a run and their team won, so that was good.

My dad is now cleaning the carpet where my brother chundered last night. I think I'm going to puke from the stench. Gag.

Well, I'm going to go. Chuck, I love you!

12:53 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Thursday, April 22, 2004

You could just feel it in the air. This overwhelming sadness that hovered above us all. You couldn't escape it, even if you tried, It was bigger than us.

Today was...a day. A very trying one. I don't really know the people in the crash well, in fact, I don't know who a few of them are, but I feel horrible. The friends and family of those people are devastated, and I wish I could do something, but all I can do is hope for the best. That's probably all we can do at this point. I hate seeing people cry (and today there were lots) because I want to make it better, but in this case, I really can't. And tomorrow is Senior Prom...what a great time to have it. *Sigh* Everything just...sucked.

Our lunch table, probably the loudest one in the whole place, was practically mute today. Sometimes silence can be louder than sound.

I knew that Mr. Parfitt, my pre-calc teacher, was really cool, but now I'm convinced that he's an awesome guy. Today, he voluntarily played the role of a guidance counselor for the first part of class. He talked about the accident with us for a while, and was a real source of reassurance. He said he was driving near the accident and saw what was going on, and since he worked with an ambulance company for 7 years, he gave us his perspective. According to him, usually when people are air-lifted to hospitals, the ambulance drives them to a place where a helicopter can land (parking lot, open field, etc.) In this case, the boys were taken RIGHT to the helicopter in a nearby field, indicating they had medical treatment immediately, and that they were in the best hands possible, which is a good sign.

Mr. Parfitt also cleared some other things up a bit about what happens when they get to the hospital, and how comas are needed sometimes. He told us that he knew what it is like to lose people; a friend of his from college died in a car accident, and he lost his father at the age of 12. Teachers usually don't share much of this to their students, but he seemed really open about it, giving him serious points in my book. Some teachers are human after all, unlike Mrs. SATAN-er, Kelly. A-hem.

That's all for now. All we can do is have hope.

8:00 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Multi-Vehicle Wreck Closes Rt 413

April 21, 2004 — A serious multi-vehicle accident has Route 413 shut down in Buckingham, Bucks County. It happened at Paist Road at 3:15pm.
One car possibly had 5 teenagers in it, all from Central Bucks East. Four medical helicopters and multiple ambulances were called to the scene.

Two people have been taken to St. Mary's Medical Center, (one by ground, one by air), one person has been taken to Abington Hospital by ground. Two went to St. Luke's by air, and another to Lehigh by air. Three vehicles are involved in the crash.

An emergency official tells Actions News that seven are injured. Several had to be cut out of vehicle by rescue workers using the Jaws of Life.

...Oh man...

6:10 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Hey, it's Wednesday...

It figures!

6:05 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Heeeey...

Ok. That explains it. I'm not saying anything else.

5:08 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Sunday, April 18, 2004

So the piano recital went alright. I messed up a bit, but I hid it rather well in certain places. I did a nice little "resolve" that I'm proud of. My right leg started shaking violently from being nervous, so my pedal-age wasn't great, but whatever. I'm just glad it's over.

Unfortunately, at the reception afterwards, my mom and I had to get in an argument. There are certain places and times that are allowable for an argument to take place, and this was NOT one of them. It was over a fucking CAMERA, ladies and gentlemen. I'm not going to go into the whole thing, but basically a) I want to kill my mom b) She wants to kill me as well c) We should have a fight to the death in a steel cage (tickets - $5, I need some money for college if I win) and d) Dan was right in saying that I'm older than my mom.

I went for a "run" today. Basically, I jogged, then walked, and repeated this a million times. I'm thinking about doing it more frequently, and taking advantage of the nice weather while screwing my body up. Spring passes quickly, after all.

I need a Chuck massage really badly right now, especially on my neck. I talked to him today again, which is always uplifting.

I pigged out at Outback Steakhouse. I can safely say that I'm the opposite of a vegetarian, a carnivore, perhaps. I could live off of meat forever. Just give me a chicken breast or some ribs and I'll be alright. Actually, give me BOTH, because that's exactly what I ate tonight.

Ok, I said I was done talking about my mom, but I'm going to have to get this off of my flat chest because I need to. I'm going to have to vent some more. You know what really annoys me about my mom? We always go through the same routine. It starts off as this nice (and really fake) mother/daughter bond, and then either I bring something up and she goes beserk for no reason or she randomly throws something in conversation about my dad that pisses me off and it's all ruined. She's a firestarter. Geeze, come on, at a piano recital in a CHURCH. Cripes, I thought she was more civilized than that, but wait, that's the little act she puts on for other people who don't know her that well. Everyone loves Tracey, and she has such a perfect daughter. She taught her everything she knew. Yeah fucking right. I'd like to see her teach me something, other than how to be a conniving, childish bitch. I love how she accepts my compliments, and takes credit in my accomplishments, which she brag about. I couldn't care less. Take today, for instance, my piano teacher's husband said, "You did a great job" or something. I said thanks, and my mom said, "I know. She's awesome, isn't she?" She always has to fucking do that, and the way she SAYS it, it's so obnoxious. It's pretty much like, "Yes, I'm aware of that, I'm her mother after all!" She doesn't think I'm awesome, I'm just some trophy that she can show off to people to prove she's done something useful with her life. Everyone asks about me all the time, I don't even know these people, but somehow they know who "Jacqueline" is and everything "Jacqueline" has done. And people wonder why I hate the name sometimes, it reminds me of how fake my mother is. I'm not Jacqueline and I certainly don't feel like Jacqueline, I'm Jacquie. I want make my own name for myself without the "help" of my mother, thank you.

I could go on some more, but I'm tired and even though no one probably read that, and I don't blame you, I'll spare us all. I just wish my parents would grow up, that's all. I don't even feel like I belong to them. In fact, I really don't. My aunt and uncle practically raised me, and I'm thankful for that, but they're a huge source of stress as well. Good intentioned, but nevertheless overbearing. I need to get out of here. I need Chuck to come back, too.

10:30 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Today's the piano recital. Wish me luck...I'm probably going to need it!

10:38 AM | Jacquie | 0 comments

I remember doing surveys that people forwarded to each other practically everyday. I just went to Michelle's Xanga, and decided that I'm going to take a trip down memory lane. :)

Last cry: Not sure, but I'm pretty sure it was crying from happiness, Chuck related.

Last library book checked out: Man, it's been awhile, maybe Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging. I don't know.

Last Movie seen in a theatre: "The Whole Ten Yards"

Last book read: Daddy's Little Girl. So sue me, I read one of my dad's girlfriend's mystery novels. Ok Dan, you can laugh at me now.

Lass cuss word uttered: Probably "fuck" because that's the one I use most frequently. As much as I shouldn't, I absolutely love that word.

Last beverage drank: Lemon Snapple

Last food consumed: Steak sandwich

Last phone call made: The last one I made was to Steph telling her I couldn't go to Bridget's house.

Last movie watched: Hmmm...I guess it was a little of "Grosse Pointe Blank" on TV. I wish I caught the whole thing though, because John Cusack is awesome.

Last time showered: This morning.

Last shoes worn: My blue suede...sneakers.

Last cd played: A CD that I burned with random stuff on it (during my little "candlelight vigil" I held last night)

Last soda drank: Mr. Pibb, at the movies.

Last letter written: S.

Last words spoken: "I know" (following "Don't stay up too late" said by my aunt. Heh.)

Last sleep: Last night, from about 1:30 to 9:30.

Last IM: Jen. She thought she could "serve" me. Oh no she di-int! *Snaps fingers*

Last sexual fantasy: I don't know, I don't really need fantasies at the moment. :)

Last cake eaten: Hmm...I have no idea. Maybe at the Habitat for Humanity thing, it was a long time ago.

Last time wanting to die: I don't think I ever actually wanted to die.

Last time dancing: I guess today in the movie theater with Dan. It wasn't DANCING, just some really bad attempts at dancing in our seats along to the music in the movie. You know how we do.

Last show attended: "Chicago" in Philly. Good stuff.

Last big car ride: Well, I guess that would be down to Bridesburg (in Philly) two weeks ago but other than that it would have been a long time ago going upstate.

Last crush: For once I'm not going to be blantantly honest, my lips are sealed.

Last annoyance: Probably something with my computer. It loves me as much as I love getting an anal probe. It hurts so good. Oh baby.

Last dissapointment: Today. I sucked at the piano recital rehearsal, and Chuck is still away, but I can't do anything about it.

Last time scolded: Probably today, it's a daily thing, I don't even remember anymore.

Last shirt worn: Er...not including the one I'm wearing, my Radiohead shirt from yesterday.

Last website visited: Michelle's Xanga!

1:08 AM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Mr. East wasn't all that bad, because let's face it, whenever white, suburban guys try to dance, it's usually amusing.

One of the sophomores drummed to "Army" by Ben Folds Five, and he was good, but the PIANO player, Alex...oh man. Insanely talented. The fact that he did that song made my night, and it was done rather well. Rest assured, Dana and I were each having an orgasm and a half.

Kyle Schuster also played the piano during the formal wear part, and I realized he was playing "True Love Waits" by Radiohead. That was orgasm number 2, and it made me think of Chuck. (You: Awww...) Then he played a Ben Folds song, as pointed out by Dana. Afterwards I gave Kyle the "mad props" that he deserved, and we chatted a bit about Radiohead. Coincidentally, I was wearing my Radiohead t-shirt. John Crooke sang during one part, and don't ask me why, but I LOVE it when guys sing really high, and John was definitely up there. Maybe someone kicked him in his "nether region" before he sang, who knows.

Last night when I came home, I lit three candles and just sang along to various songs in the dark. Everyone knows I'm crazy, so I was just protecting my title. I think they thought I was meditating or something, but it's just something I do either to clear my head, relax, or fulfill any pyromaniacal urges I may have. I did it for the latter two reasons.

Today, I went to the practice for the piano recital that I am performing at tomorrow. *Cringe* I did a particularly crappy job, and probably let everyone know it by the spastic facial expressions I used whenever I made mistakes. I don't know if I can actually control that tomorrow, because I'm bound to make a lot given the risky nature of the song. I'll just have to plaster a nice, fake smile on my face afterwards. I'll practice now. :D *Thumbs up*

A little later, Dan and I had a much needed "hang-out." We walked around the Barn Plaza and saw "The Whole Ten Yards," which was funnier than expected, I highly recommend seeing it if you haven't already.

I don't feel like typing anymore. I bet you don't feel like reading anymore. We'll both win now.

9:11 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Friday, April 16, 2004

So Chuck's in California until Monday night. Gah. I miss him, as corny as that sounds, I genuinely do.

Today in school, I was really focused in order not to think about it. I was actually mad at people when they would not stop talking in math. Too bad I can't save this overabundance of concentration for a time when I'll really need it.

Photo is turning out to be a really cool class. We had to make Mona Lisa Self-Portraits using nothing but photos from magazines, and no words or drawings, which was a little tough. I liked my final product, although it was way more symbolic than I planned, but then again I often make things more symbolic than need be in my head. Thanks, English class.

I got a text message from Chuck today, and I got off the phone with him a little while ago. Instant happiness.

Tonight, I'm planning to go see Mr. East, then come back and watch Subterranean at midnight because Modest Mouse will be on there. No one cares, but Subterranean makes me happy in the same way that the Princeton radio station does. I don't know what to expect, but I usually get some good/weird music out of it. Low budget music videos are always good too, I think I'd like to make one someday.

I have to go now, but I'll leave "y'all" with a song quote from an amazing song that's quite appropriate for myself at the moment.

"And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If anything could ever feel this real forever?
If anything could ever be this good again?
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when."

6:52 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

I walked outside in the rain today, just because I felt like it. Spring's here, and like the rain washing the ground, I too needed some cleansing. No, not like that, I needed to think about changing a little. Wipe my mind blank and just...think. I need to get rid of my worries and just...wash them all away. I need more confidence; when I DO have confidence, I succeed. When I don't...I'm the kind of person that I don't want to be. Sniveling, worrying, whiney, you get it. To a certain degree, I can't help it. Years of being told I can't do anything have worn on me, and I need to stop listening to them, even more so than now. Everyone's their biggest critic, I just need to be less critical of myself. I need to hold my head up and swim through the river of shit that's flooding my life. As for Chuck, he's my lifeguard.

I forgot exactly what my backyard looked like. I found a broken plastic teacup on the ground, and I went into English class mode and attached symbolism to that. My childhood's over, I just need to grasp a hold of that more and remind everyone else of that too. I'm fully capable of most things at the moment, I need people to stop treating me like a goddamn baby. I need some space.

I've been thinking of running away more and more as the days go by. I would not seriously do it, but the thought of it makes me happy. I'd just like to grab some people to do it with me, and I think I'd find comfort in not worrying about the future. Everytime people mention college, especially financial aid, it makes me want to kick something. I want to live day by day, but I guess that's impossible. Thinking that way is immature, I admit, but not worrying about EVERY LITTLE THING would be really nice.

I'm finished blathering on and on, I just needed to get some things off of my mind. I think I shall go listen to something happy or call Chuck or something. Anything except this stupid English thing. English makes me hate school, but I just started photo today which sounds like it's going to be fun. Anytime I'm allowed to be creative, I'm a happy person.

7:35 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Thursday, April 08, 2004

I don't push hard enough on the piano pedal, and I push too hard on the gas pedal. I wish I could switch this, but my right foot does not seem to want to cooperate. *Sigh*

I took a "jaunt" (stupid PSSA) to Manhattan Bagel yesterday for my much needed moment of freedom for the day. The weather was beautiful, and I thought about how I hate Winter progressively more as the years go by. I think Spring is my new favorite season, with Fall at a close second. I'm glad that I'm going to have photo soon, I have a few places in mind that I want to capture on film. Too bad Spring only lasts for about two seconds. Oh well, I'm going to enjoy it while I can!

I woke up this morning twice; once because of my mom, the other because of a fight going on between my brother, Scott, and my aunt. I laid in bed and listened to them shout at each other for about 15 minutes. I eventually got out of bed, and I asked my other brother, Kyle, what it was about, and he didn't answer. I didn't persist him on the topic, because some things are better left unknown, as I learned from Dan last night.

Well, I should go try to finish up GP so I can possibly do something with Chuck tonight, but with my work habits and track history, I'm not very optimistic. I'll try.

1:23 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Monday, April 05, 2004

I tried to remember a funny little tidbit of a phone conversation I had with Chuck last night, here's what it basically was like:

(Chuck says something pertaining to "cum")
Jacquie: (mumbles to self) "And everybody cums and cums again..." *chuckle*
Chuck: What did you say? All I heard was the cum part.
Jacquie: I was just humming a part of "Big Balls" by ACDC.
Chuck: That's what I thought, I don't know of any other song with the word "cum" in it.
Jacquie: Well, I'll have to go online and do a "cum" search.
*Pause*
*Both break out in laughter*

Good stuff. I didn't stop laughing either. I kept saying "Ok...ok...I'm done" and then Chuck would say "...No, you're not" and then I'd laugh some more. Who needs to study AP bio when you can talk about going on a crusade for cum. You know what's funny? I bet this stupid AOL parental block won't allow me to go to my own site because of my repeated usage of the word "cum." Such cocksucking, mother fucking, pick-up trucking bastards...bitch!

10:45 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Well, today = shit. Hell, I even said "shit" during my English presentation on The Canterbury Tales, but I don't think many people noticed.

The bio final raped me. There's no way I'm going to get above a D on it (and this is being optimistic!)

The presentation for English went ok. Not much to say, except my cheesy "Time Travel" talk show sketch seemed to be a crowd pleaser. Yay.

I went to piano after that, and as long as I've taken piano, I've never mastered pedal usage. That sounds really stupid, but it's true, I tend to play fast, lively songs for recitals and such, because I believe that I should express some of myself in what I play. I'm not much of a 10-minute-long sonata person. *gouges eyes out* Let's face it, I'm not graceful, I'm a SPAZ. So anyway, I kind of got frustrated and started crying a little, which was probably half because of my shitty day. Gah. I probably sound like such a drama queen, but I'm really not, I've been crying a lot lately, and it's starting to scare me. It's due to many things, I just don't talk about them a lot. Whatever.

And then came choir rehearsal. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, although one time, I was singing and then burped and kept singing. Tehe. I got more Chuck time, which is always awesome. I think Chuck is what I look forward to everyday anymore, because almost everything besides my friends is shit.

The enD.

10:10 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Saturday, April 03, 2004

I'm slightly muddy, stressed out (which is probably the reason why I'm crying, I don't even know anymore), and I'm listening to sad music but I'm happy. I could be unhappy, but I can't help but being genuinely happy. What I lack in parental love and support is made up inifinitely times more by Chuck and my friends. Maybe I don't thank them enough, if not, then I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of them. You've made my life bearable and enjoyable, if it weren't for you I probably would have been gone by now. Maybe not physically, but I'd be a lonely, emotional wreck.

Anyway, today was a good day. Tiring, but satisfying. Jen and I met up with other EPIC members at this celebration for a Habitat for Humanity project in Trumbauersville. We volunteered from 10-2:30 outdoors, which wasn't all that great because it felt like it was 20 degrees. We helped with odd jobs and serving food, and the C.B. East Marching Band made an appearance, and the sight of one particular member made standing in the cold bearable. It also reminded me of the first time that I saw Chuck, at the East/West game. Let's just say I was watching him more than the game, heh. It felt good volunteering, and it made me appreciate what the HH people did, especially since 7 out of the 12 days they spent building the houses was in the rain. Because of that, I shivered violently, but tried to keep the complaining down to a minimum. Oh yeah, and Justin "Coming To A Hick Town Near You" Guarini spoke and sang a bit. He was not equipped with his fro, which means his identity is gone. Oh well.

I think I have an affinity for The Cure, not studying biology. I think that The Cure's "Lovesong" explains my feelings for Chuck pretty accurately and that I could study him forever. Too bad I don't know what else I want to do with my future, but at the moment, I don't want to think about it. I want to live day by day, but unfortunetly, certain people don't like that. Gah.

7:59 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Friday, April 02, 2004

Hey, I forgot to mention a good thing that happened to me today. I had to make up a vocal test that I missed for choir, and Teshner said that I should try out for Women's Ensemble because my voice is pure and onkey. Yay.

8:44 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments

Ah...I'm just. Eh. I don't know. I've been so...weird lately. Ok, let me rephrase that. I've been kind of moody, tired, everything gets to me. I apologize if I've been irritating or obnoxious to anyone in the past week. I started crying for no reason on Monday, but luckily Chuck came to my house and cheered me up. I'm just so stressed out. I think Mondays should be eliminated from the week, and everything due on Mondays as well.

If you have ever heard "No Surprises" by Radiohead...that's how I feel. I have that dreamy glockenspiel (sp?) beginning in my head constantly. I even fell asleep a few hours ago, and that never happens. I just have to hold out until the end of April, then I'll be ok. Until then...I'm probably going to need both space and comfort. I don't know if that works or not, but whatever. That's all I have to say. Whatever.

I need to go call people about this thing tomorrow. I don't feel like explaining what "this thing" means. I also should call Chuck, I need to get snapped out of this hollow dream that I feel like I'm in right now. Goodnight.

8:24 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments