Monday, January 30, 2006
If you know me well, you know that I get a little...um..."weird" when I am very tired. Sleep deprivation has caused me to do such things such as exclaim "There's a tornado in my pants," call up people and sing "The Rainbow Connection" to them, and laugh non-stop for 10 minutes, just to name a few.
Last night, I apparently outdid myself. I topped my list of stupid things that I've done under the influence of sleep deprivation.
What did I do? I was getting dressed for bed (1:30 AM or so) and I only had a bra and pajama pants on. I ended up taking a Santa Claus beard (you know, one with an elastic band that goes over your ears) and putting around me just below my bra. I made a face (I think you can figure out what the "eyes" were...) and I made this face talk by pulling on the beard.
I had a laughing fit (it was funny-looking; however, my tired brain took it a little too far), and now there are pictures to prove that I'm a complete and utter jackass. I woke up this morning and thought, "What the fuck is wrong with me?" Only sleep deprivation could make me do something like that...
Well, since I'm not a big fan of Christmas, I'll blame it on Santa. That fatass has corrupted me to the point where I can no longer be myself. Thanks a lot, Santa, Happy (Chinese) New Year to you.
11:13 AM | Jacquie |
Monday, January 23, 2006
For homework in my health class (also known by the concise title "Concepts of Fitness and Wellness"), I was given a worksheet to fill out. No biggie, right? At first, it started off with a few questions that were pretty typical, such as "What are 5 things that interest you?" or "Name 5 characteristics of you or any person that you consider admirable?" or something of that nature.
Surprisingly, this innocent little stapled 2-sheet paper took a rather serious turn. The questions became more introspective and interrogative. "Name two recent events when you upheld your values, and 2 when you went against them." "How did your family treat you when you were younger?" "What meaning does your life have, and what are your future goals?" "Write your epitaph and obituary."
Whoa there, horsie. Write my epitaph and obituary? Is it just me, or did that worksheet practically cover my whole life? I left the last one blank because it scared me a little. I glanced down at the bottom of the page, I noticed where this worksheet came from: it was from a book on keeping marriages stable. Ah, so maybe a little introspection intervention would have saved my parents' crumbling marriage (which the worksheet also asked about). I just spilled myself onto these two sheets for a health class, my memories and supposed future goals (very lacking) forming a collage of my past, present and future selves on the paper.
Was this assignment a little too personal? Considering that I'm an honest person, I don't mind sharing...but it's a required health class. I say leave the fear tactics to other disciplines and bring on the eating disorder presentations. I could probably say them word for word at this point.
Anyway, I suppose I should go. I have a bit of a headache, I need to do some laundry...and I have an obituary to write. *Shudder*
7:38 PM | Jacquie |
Thursday, January 19, 2006
It's funny. My computer hasn't been working lately (some virus, I'm sure) and I've been thinking a lot. When I think a lot, I tend to want to write about it, although I don't usually have the time. Right now, I have a computer, I have time...and I have absolutely nothing to write about. There's life for you. It's funny.
One thing: The Adventures of Pete and Pete was indeed all that it was cracked up to be.
Yeah...that's all folks!
8:37 PM | Jacquie |
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Whelp, I'm back in school.
The break went like any other; it was painfully slow in the beginning (my grandmother and cousins added to that) and was too fast towards the end. I'm not going to list everything that I did, because a) that would take too long and b) my memory is crap...which is another reason for a. Oh yeah, and nobody wants to read all of that.
Instead, I'll talk about what changed during the break. I'll start with myself. I went to this Women's Day thing with my aunt (we all know how much I celebrate my femininity) for the third time. I usually go for the free massage (my neck and back are really screwed up) and tea. I ended up bellydancing and discovering that I like meditation. Not being a skeptic all of the time really makes things a lot better.
Then again, sometimes skepticism is useful in protecting one's self from getting hurt. I took a chance, told someone how I felt (not expecting a great outcome) and it wound up being...eh. Well, at least I pushed myself to do something that I thought was necessary. I just hope we can still be friends, but according to "what always happens," it's not in the cards. My past history contradicts this in most cases, so I'll let the future do the work. It's not in my hands at this point.
I wish I could spend more time with my brothers. As annoying as they are sometimes, I usually have fun with them. Alright, I admit it; I've definitely developed the older sister syndrome. I'm pretty protective of them, but in most cases it's from my parents. Before going to college, I used to pin the blame on them a lot. Maybe tattling is more like it...I don't do anything wrong EVER. Anyway, now I find myself defending them. I guess part of this also has to do with me being removed from the usual household (2x) chaos. I don't mind my dad because I don't have to see him a lot, so he's become the retrospect version of himself to me. Does that make sense? I hope so. My brothers have become the same way too. If I were around them more, hanging out with them would seem like a foreign concept to me. I guess small doses is key to liking my family, or most families for that matter.
During the break, I floated from one place to the other. In a way, it was more liberating than college (which to me, seems more like a boarding high school than Animal House), but at the same time kind of isolating. I kind of wish that I had one place I could stay and call home. My mom's house is kind of like that, but then again, I wouldn't call it "my mom's house" if it were my home.
I just want to feel truly loved by my family, I guess. Apathy seems genetic, and I hope that I can fight again any predisposition that I may have and someday, maybe, I'll find a some dude who really loves me. I'll have children, perhaps. I might even throw a dog or cat in there for good measure. I'll make a home for myself, and I'll live happily ever after. Oh, and if anyone wants to borrow my rose-colored glasses, just give me a call.
I can't help thinking about a better time. It's fucking cold, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. My mom gave me a locket for Christmas, but it's not quite a locket. It's a cylindrical charm on a chain that you put a wish in. The only thing worth living for is in that charm, and I hope someday I'll find it.
8:55 PM | Jacquie |