Thursday, October 25, 2007
There is an infinite amount of love (or falling into love) songs. Why aren't there many falling OUT of love songs? That phenomenon happens just as much as the former does, and usually lasts longer (can somebody say McUnfulfilling marriages?). Ok, Fiona, I hear you. You've probably cornered the market on this one. The rest of humanity, let's get cracking on this one.
Maybe it's the fall chill that setting in, or the annual death of nature's most beautiful facade that's getting to me, but I've observed this season accenting the cold in some relationships. Not to say I'm immune to this (What's my name? Right, Ice Queen), but I'm noticing it more in other people.
If Love is a pair of blinders, it must not be impervious to wind, because mine have simply blown away. What reveals itself when the blinders go, however, may be dissapointing. For me, it's been more of a gradual summation of smaller things, and then a resulting dissapointment. Not one of those trite "I am SO dissapointed in you, little Jimmy, for eating all of those Ho-Hos!" kind of dissapointment. It's more of a slow burn, "I had expectations (possibly unrealistic ones) that you haven't met, and I can't believe I didn't see it sooner, and you're not going to change and neither am I" ...thing. Regardless, it doesn't reinforce my detection skills at all. Well, here's to friendship.
Speaking of friends, I can't help but noticing this phenomenon with some of my friends. I suppose their blinders, in a way, have also blown off, sometimes revealing people in...not the best of light. Obviously, the process of falling out of love is much harder than it is to fall in love. The blind optimism you possess in the beginning of a relationship is sweet. Then, you get to know the person and temper this optimism somewhat, but there's still hope. Yet, towards the end is where the autumnization happens: things start to wilt, and you're reminded of how good things used to be.
How can you salvage something that, in itself, is less than what it can potentially be? That's something we all probably have to deal with, and I really don't have an answer for it. I envision this period as a winter storm. The great equalizer of snow will plop down, covering the decay, and I'll begin to see things in a new (more realistic) way. I'll also think about the past less with each passing day, due to its burial under the cold blanket. Plus, how can you be flighty and whimsical with a boot full of cold, melting snow? I don't know about you, but I can't.
I suppose I don't really know the end results of this fall-to-winter transition (it's what keeps life interesting), but I also know I won't blend into the background during this process. I believe I've become more mature (fart jokes aside) since coming to college, and this period of time will be a test to see just how much I can a) actively work on maintaining a friendship b) try not to get as defensive (unless merited, of course) and c) work on myself, by doing as best as I can, in studies, with friends, and as a person. Plus, I have a wonderful collection of sweaters and socks.
I think I'll do just fine.
9:50 AM | Jacquie |