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Life of the Bored and Taskless.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

So the piano recital went alright. I messed up a bit, but I hid it rather well in certain places. I did a nice little "resolve" that I'm proud of. My right leg started shaking violently from being nervous, so my pedal-age wasn't great, but whatever. I'm just glad it's over.

Unfortunately, at the reception afterwards, my mom and I had to get in an argument. There are certain places and times that are allowable for an argument to take place, and this was NOT one of them. It was over a fucking CAMERA, ladies and gentlemen. I'm not going to go into the whole thing, but basically a) I want to kill my mom b) She wants to kill me as well c) We should have a fight to the death in a steel cage (tickets - $5, I need some money for college if I win) and d) Dan was right in saying that I'm older than my mom.

I went for a "run" today. Basically, I jogged, then walked, and repeated this a million times. I'm thinking about doing it more frequently, and taking advantage of the nice weather while screwing my body up. Spring passes quickly, after all.

I need a Chuck massage really badly right now, especially on my neck. I talked to him today again, which is always uplifting.

I pigged out at Outback Steakhouse. I can safely say that I'm the opposite of a vegetarian, a carnivore, perhaps. I could live off of meat forever. Just give me a chicken breast or some ribs and I'll be alright. Actually, give me BOTH, because that's exactly what I ate tonight.

Ok, I said I was done talking about my mom, but I'm going to have to get this off of my flat chest because I need to. I'm going to have to vent some more. You know what really annoys me about my mom? We always go through the same routine. It starts off as this nice (and really fake) mother/daughter bond, and then either I bring something up and she goes beserk for no reason or she randomly throws something in conversation about my dad that pisses me off and it's all ruined. She's a firestarter. Geeze, come on, at a piano recital in a CHURCH. Cripes, I thought she was more civilized than that, but wait, that's the little act she puts on for other people who don't know her that well. Everyone loves Tracey, and she has such a perfect daughter. She taught her everything she knew. Yeah fucking right. I'd like to see her teach me something, other than how to be a conniving, childish bitch. I love how she accepts my compliments, and takes credit in my accomplishments, which she brag about. I couldn't care less. Take today, for instance, my piano teacher's husband said, "You did a great job" or something. I said thanks, and my mom said, "I know. She's awesome, isn't she?" She always has to fucking do that, and the way she SAYS it, it's so obnoxious. It's pretty much like, "Yes, I'm aware of that, I'm her mother after all!" She doesn't think I'm awesome, I'm just some trophy that she can show off to people to prove she's done something useful with her life. Everyone asks about me all the time, I don't even know these people, but somehow they know who "Jacqueline" is and everything "Jacqueline" has done. And people wonder why I hate the name sometimes, it reminds me of how fake my mother is. I'm not Jacqueline and I certainly don't feel like Jacqueline, I'm Jacquie. I want make my own name for myself without the "help" of my mother, thank you.

I could go on some more, but I'm tired and even though no one probably read that, and I don't blame you, I'll spare us all. I just wish my parents would grow up, that's all. I don't even feel like I belong to them. In fact, I really don't. My aunt and uncle practically raised me, and I'm thankful for that, but they're a huge source of stress as well. Good intentioned, but nevertheless overbearing. I need to get out of here. I need Chuck to come back, too.


10:30 PM | Jacquie | 0 comments links to this post

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