As much as I love my major, sometimes Psychology can really be a downer. Especially when you begin to compare yourself to case examples and/or reflect on your own sleep patterns, which may or may not point to some sort of chemical imbalance, which may or may not mean that you're batshit insane. Or depressed. Or both. You be the judge.
Last night, I received approximately four hours of bad sleep. I consumed a substantial amount of caffeine throughout the day, and had great difficulty falling asleep. Once asleep, I had terrible dreams rooted in anxiety, which probably resulted from my thoughts about an impending major assignment (Note: which I'm currently putting off).
This morning when I woke up, I felt incredibly energized. In fact, I felt very much like a Cleaver, minus the wholesome breakfast; I didn't dread the day ahead of me or hide in my sheets.
According to several studies regarding depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder, sleep deprivation can result in mood elevation in depressed individuals.
Does this mean that I may be depressed due to this shared physiological trend exhibited by depressed people? Over the past 4 or 5 years, I've experienced bouts of depression, which usually coincide with the winter months. But wait, does that mean that I have SAD? Do I have anything?
Today in class, Dr. Toedter discussed a child who had virtually no visual memory.
"Can you imagine that? He would literally look at something on the board and then forget what it said midway through copying it down!"
Yeah, Dr. T, I can imagine it. Because I am that kid.
Or the child who couldn't figure out spoken word problems, because he had difficulty imagining and retaining them in his mind.
"Can you see what he's doing? He can't imagine the numbers, so he's repeating them back to himself and forgetting them in the process."
Oh wait. That's what I do. That's why I had to count the drawer four times at my job while my boss watched. It's a little more embarrassing because I'm 21. This kid was 11.
"When arranging the blocks, what most people do is envision the finished product in their head and cut them into four sections, so they know what position each of the four block should be in. He's not doing that. Instead, he's using a trial-and-error system because he can't envision that spatial arrangement in his head."
Wait, what? That's how you're supposed to do it? Do I have a spatial/visual memory problem? Shit.
I could just be overreacting, but I feel as if I'm only now piecing together my flaws and the possible agents behind them. Genuine self-awareness is a scary thing...maybe I should hide back underneath the covers.