Like lifting the tarp off of that old car and thinking, hey, I remember where I was when I was fixing this baby up, and then going out for a ride and getting a celebratory tattoo.
Nevermind, that's a mid-life crisis.
Anyway, things seem to be coming together in my life. I'm at a nice level of manageable chaos, which means I have a pulse, and I'm coming together in ways that I never would have suspected even months ago.
Some recent developments, for example:
1) I'm not going to grad school. It sounds like an admittance of failure on the surface, so maybe I should restate it. I'm not going to grad school! Woo! Translation: I'm going to have to figure out how to make it in the real world, which is infinitely exciting and scary, but by gum, I'll feel alive doing it.
2) I have short hair. Hey, don't laugh. I've had long hair since I can remember, and this new Short-Haired Jacquie (dog breeders, the name's all yours) seems a bit more confident and spunky on both the outside and the inside. It's a wonder what not loathing yourself can do to your appearance! Talk about natural glow!
3) I'm sick of school. Don't get me wrong, I love the people. In fact, there's a whole new cast of characters in my life who I've met almost too late in the game that have compensated for my alum buds. However, I've seemed to grow a bit weary of classroom learning and crave something bigger. Self-education. Lord knows that I'm not going to work in retail my whole life, but hey, even my job at The Attic has taught me some new and applicable skills (i.e. knowing whether or not customers are dying to purchase your old Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that reek of nose candy and crunchy bangs).
4) I was hired at The Attic. Running a store by yourself is kind of scary...So I've only had to do it for a couple of hours so far, but when your shiftmate slams the door closed and those bells reverberate into an empty store, you can't help but think, "It's all on me now." And I guess that's what responsibility is: owning up to the fact that it's no one but you that's in charge of all of the shit in your life. Sure, someone will always be a phone call away, but no one's really ever "there", per se. I think this is why I have so much respect for single people.
5) I'm confused (in more ways than one). Like every other Senior, I'm down to that "Oh shit, what's next?" point in my life. Also, I don't really know where I stand emotionally. It seems that I have unresolved feelings in many areas and I'm just trying to make sense of it all right now and figure out where to go next. Needless to say, I'm not dating anyone at the moment. I'm happy to report that I'm enjoying every minute of being a free agent. It's just me, myself, and I when I wake up and go to sleep, and I'd like to keep it that way until I feel my way across the room, so to speak.
One of my many quazi-issues that I have yet to address is my excessive procrastination. I've written two pages of a 5-10 page paper that is due tomorrow at 2:20 PM. Looks like I've got a long night of ahead of me with myself. Good thing I'm not expecting company.