Life of the Bored and Taskless.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

"Hi Jacqueline, how are you doing today?
"Good, thanks."
"Do you prefer Jacqueline or Jacquie?"
"It doesn't matter. Either one is fine."
"Alright, well, my name is _____, and as you are well aware, I will be interviewing you for the open position in our company.
"Mmhmm."
"Do you have any questions for me before we begin?"
"Um...none, as far as I know."
"Alright, then, we'll begin. The first question I would like to ask you is...what will you be bringing to the company that you feel is lacking otherwise?"
"Well, I tend to have a good work ethic. I am more than willing to put in overtime, and I think that I could bring a well-needed sense of humor to this corporation. I take business very seriously, but I think that all it takes is one person to brighten up the workplace."
"Miss Baker, that is quite a heavy statement. Do you honestly think you can back that up?"
"Yes. I know from experience that my attitude and warmth has made otherwise, I don't know... routine situations more exciting."
"I see. Another question I want to ask you is...if you are accepted to this position, are you willing to make this your primary job, meaning, do you have other committments at the moment?"
"No. I believe in working for one company at a time. From what I've observed, splitting productive energy between two companies is never as satisfying as channeling them into one job."
"Great. Well, I got a chance to look at your resumé, and I must say...I'm a bit wary about certain things, but I think you have potential.
"...Ok."
"About this last job...It says here you were hired and let go twice."
"Yes."
"Could you please elaborate on this for me?"
"Ok, well, my employer thought that I deserved a second chance after he let me go the first time."
"Did you deserve a second chance?"
"...Well, I think I did, but I'm not sure he felt the same way.
"Alrighty..."
"No, well, see, I promised that I would change certain things, and I did. But there were other issues that arose that were out of my control."
"And those issues were...?"
"Well, I'm not sure if I want to really disclose that to you yet."
"Any information will help us in the review process, Jacqueline."
"Right...there were some...sexual issues that came up...more like, a lack of participation-"
"Mmm...do you think that, since then, your..."sexual productivity," shall we say, has increased?"
"Well, I'm not quite sure. This is the first interview I've had since then, but if I'm hired, I'll make sure to at least try to work on this."
"We'll see to it that you do."
"Right."
"And this one. Winter '02...Just out of curiosity, why did you only stay at this job for a month?"
"I believe I listed my reason for leaving as not finding the right fit-"
"Can you give a less vague description of what really happened?"
"I just wasn't that into him...?"
"Ah yes, the 'Sex and the City' defense. Miss Baker, I don't have enough time to listen to you beat around the bush."
"No, no, trust me. As cliché as that sounds, it's very accurate."
"And this, this is interesting: you worked for this company for seven months, quit, then re-applied a couple of years later only to withdraw your resumé. Frankly, Jacqueline, what makes me believe that you won't do something like this to our company?"
"I assure you, this was something that happened once and will never happen again. The circumstances surrounding the re-application were complex, but I quickly evaluated the situation, and I realized that the same problems that existed years back would still affect my work."
"You realize that we, as a business, don't take inconsistent behavior very lightly."
"No, I agree with you wholeheartedly, which is why, if I am employed, I will be 100% committed to this job."
"I would certainly hope so...Would you say, Jacqueline, that you are on 'good terms' with your past employers?"
"For the most part, yes. Some of them, I don't speak to, but when I see them, there seems to be no real tension. There's one employer I stopped talking to, but I won't get into that...Half I still speak to from time to time, and the last one...well, I'm not certain what will happen in the future, but at the moment, we've talked a bit, and I hope our relationship outside of the workplace will continue."
"When it adds up, you've worked at...1, 2, 3...7 places within the past six years. Do you ever plan on holding a long-term position, or are you going to continue to flit about the local market?"
"Well, at this point in my life, I believe that there are many options and routes for me to take. Not exploring them would be a travesty; however, when I eventually find the right job and possess few doubts about future growth opportunities and benefits, I will make that my permanent job. Perhaps this company could be that one job, but unless you hire me... I have no way of really knowing..."
"Well, Jacqueline, that seems to be sufficient. We'll call you back within the next week to let you know about our decision."
"Thank you so much; have a good rest of the day."
"You too, take care."

This has been "My Dating History as a Job Resumé."

Life of the Bored and Taskless.

1 Comments: