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Monday, June 05, 2006
Until recently, I have not been aware of just how glaringly petrified and intimidated I am by others and even deceptively hard tasks. I guess being a waitress does have a positive side, in that it allowed me to become a little more self-knowledgeable. Oh, and the money doesn't hurt either.
I also have become a little keyed into my mediocrity. I'm not saying this in a "WAAAA, I'm emo and no one likes me!" way, but matter-of-factly. I looked into the mirror the other day, and maybe it was the monument of inflamed skin protruding from my cheek that was speaking, but I noticed that my beauty was dull compared to the rave reviews others have given me. Ok, so I'm not the ugly duckling, but I'm certainly not a knockout. I'm just average.
And it's not just about looks (because it's not just about looks); I'm average through and through. Average intelligence. Average charm. Average ability when it comes to mostly anything. Average body fat composition (yeah, you think it would be below average, but it's not). Average health. Average routines. Average writing ability (you can attest to this).
I even got an average SAT score.
I think it's good that I've come to terms with how average I am, because I'm really not looking for much that is above average. I don't like being overwhelmed by new things, challenges, etc. Right now, I'm at a sort of plateau. Things are going well, but not too well. I'm making a decent amount of money, but not too much, at a job that I like but do not love with people who I like but am not incredibly fond of. I go to a school that I like but am not crazy about...on purpose. If I liked it too much, I'd never want to leave. Who wants college to be the "best years" of their life? Not I says the little white girl.
I had a lot more to say at many points in time during the past two weeks but I'm too lazy to write them down. This was just a bit of rambling to calm my fidgeting fingers. I guess my point is that I've reached my maximum level of comfort, which is complete average, and that I'm not altogether shameful of this, as you can tell.
Well, the library internet countdown is down the 6 minutes (my computer's not working), so I better go. I wish all of you out there a delightfully average day. I know I'll be enjoying mine.
3:31 PM | Jacquie |
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Me in a tree. Circa 1990.
Blog Buddies.
Fight the Boredom!
Ancient Ramblings.
End Credits.
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