3 of Jacquie's favorite Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
#20: I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.
#95: If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
#14: Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet? And also, you're drunk.